I’ve written a few times about how I sometimes struggle for topics to write about here on the blog. I would love to blame the band for moments of “non-activity”, but I just reminded myself that this blog is not supposed to BE
about the band, so the band gets a pass for today. Today was once again, one of those days. In an earnest attempt to find something to spur my creativity, I checked out our email, and then our Blogger account. (Do you ever just think about looking into a very dark endless tunnel?? That’s our email box!) Sometimes people will comment on something and it’ll get me thinking, and that’s what happened today. There was a comment on a blog Amanda had written over the weekend (Searching for Reasons, found here
), and a comment came in just last night. Anonymous responded to something Amanda had said about boundaries and the way Simon tweets/blogs. That person had actually referred to something I’ve said in the past about his style of tweeting and blogging. (mainly that it confuses the hell out of me, which is true.) I responded and quickly shuffled out of our door to take the youngest to school. On my way back home, I thought about what the person had written again and found myself composing a blog on the subject. The challenge for me was to remember what I was thinking so that I could get home and get it written!
In my real, everyday life I’m a pretty private person. I have a very short list of friends that I would share most things with, and to be really honest I am MUCH happier here by myself at home than I am out doing the whole “PTA” (Parent Teacher Association) fundraising or volunteering at the kids school thing. It’s just not in my comfort zone, especially in this area where I live. I volunteer plenty here at home by helping them do homework and being involved. Generally speaking, I keep to myself, and while some might think I’m lonely, I am not. Online however, I’m pretty open. I am friendly with many different people, I’m active in many different areas (Duran and otherwise), and I’m content. I do have my own set of boundaries though. For example, I have tried to never use my children’s names here on the blog. That doesn’t mean that many of you don’t know exactly who they are; it’s just that I have to be careful. I would LOVE to share photos of my youngest because she’s super cute, show you how my son spends 90% of his time (on the computer…), or show videos of my oldest from her musicals because she is SO good. I’m extremely proud of all of them and want to share them with the world. (basically I want to brag!) Unfortunately, that’s a part of my life that I need to keep private for their sake. I do have them up on my Facebook page because I have lots of family on Facebook that demands that sort of thing. (no really, they actually do demand it!) If you’re a “Close Friend” of mine on Facebook, you can see them. Most Duranies that I’ve never met in person are in a completely different category and list because I don’t know them. They can’t see everything, and that’s OK. Those are some of my boundaries! Another example is that I don’t talk too much about my relationship with my husband. It’s complicated, and however “fun” that might be at times (That’s sarcasm of course), it’s a relationship that’s private. It’s a part that I can’t share with the world if I wish to stay married. That doesn’t mean I don’t fight the urge to tell you all about how much he drives me crazy sometimes, but it’s probably not fair to him to go telling the entire Duranieverse (yes it’s a word. I invented it.) how he refuses to plan things in advance and waits until on the way home on Valentines Day (or my birthday, or Mothers Day and so on) to remember to buy a card, a gift, a dozen red roses….etc.
My point is that we all have boundaries, whether it’s for safety, privacy or sanity, and for each of us, they differ. Some are incredibly obvious. Nick for instance, doesn’t use Twitter or Facebook. While I’m sure it’s because he hates the idea, I think it’s also because it probably feels incredibly intrusive. I can’t really argue with him there. It takes getting used to, and you know, there are probably plenty of other ways he’d rather spend his time anyway.
Roger isn’t into Twitter but he uses Facebook on occasion. Recently Roger posted a photo of himself in his hotel room when they were somewhere in Europe. (Well, I have to assume it was of him, he’d taken a photo in a mirror and the flash went off right in his face, and he called it a self-portrait.) He posted a photo, and I was honestly surprised because he was in a bathrobe, and I was the first person who mentioned it! I really didn’t mean for it to be a rude comment as much as I was surprised that the 40 or 50 other people before me didn’t say anything. (But I’ll bet they copied and pasted that thing so fast, and before anyone thinks otherwise, no I did not!) Within moments after my posting the comment, the picture disappeared and in it’s place was much the same photo, this time with Roger clothed. (I am pretty sure I heard whining from all over the planet….) I don’t know if Roger saw my post and thought twice about the picture, or if he took a good look at what he’d posted, thought about those infamous balcony photos that have circled the globe many times over by now, and retook the photo. Regardless of the reasons those are boundaries.
John and Simon are Twitter people. Simon uses it occasionally and posts things that sometimes I can decipher, and other times, well, I just shake my head and wonder. The thing is, Simon tweets the way I would expect. He also blogs as I’d expect, and when he’s in an interview and answers questions slyly, or not at all, it’s exactly how I’d expect from him. Perhaps his reasoning behind answering things so coyly or by interacting with fans as he does, in half seriousness and half poetry, is one way to keep us all at arms length and guessing, but not coming off as though he’s completely uninterested. John seems to have his own ideas of boundaries on Twitter. To begin with, I think he is completely controlled how he interacts on Twitter. He tends to use it in condensed “sessions”, and when he is ready to be finished, he’s finished. Honestly, he’s very smart in that way. I don’t find that he tends to only respond to certain people, he seems to just respond to whatever tweets he sees first, and he doesn’t seem to mind answering any question he sees. I have to give him props for that, because after about the third time I saw someone ask if he’d follow them or what type of wine he prefers, I was ready to take those Tweeters down myself. He tends to keep himself to a firm time limit with it all though, and I have to applaud that. I guess his “boundaries” have everything to do with how he regulates himself, not necessarily what information he sends forth.
When you really think about it, to imagine any one of them in their homes, going to their computers and “chatting” with us whether it’s by Facebook or Twitter, is relatively personal, and at times I wonder if it doesn’t feel almost too intimate of a connection for them to make with people they used to run from. 😀 Yes, there’s a big world and computer screen between us, but it’s not as though they’re in public on a concert stage.
Ultimately, I have to respect their boundaries because to be honest, I care. I want them to feel comfortable in their space, and know that not every fan will knock them over in order to get close. The trouble of course is that not everyone feels the same. Many fans say, very openly I might add, that when you choose to be a celebrity, you choose a life in the public eye and that it’s their job. While yes that is true, there is quite a bit that is being forgotten there. To begin with, they are not “at work” 24/7, in the same way that you are not. *I* on the other hand AM at work 24/7. I’m a mom. 😀 (Wow I have an attitude and need a vacation!!!) Secondly, the only part of their lives that is “their job” is their music. When they are on stage, doing photo shoots, publicity, etc; that is work. The rest really should be their own, and so when they take time to chat, post an update, etc, I’m happy. Respect is a two-way street, I suppose the bottom line is that if we wish to be respected, we probably need to afford them some of the same. Boundaries are not evil.