Sometimes, I have no problem getting started on a blog and other times, I struggle. Today is one of those days of struggle. I have a couple of ideas in my head. I started to blog about the first one but felt lost, without a big idea. So, I scrapped it. Maybe, I’ll try the second one.
I have a number of Duranie friends on Facebook. I enjoy them on days like John Taylor’s birthday when people share pictures or favorite videos. I like having a timeline filled with John Taylor! This morning, a friend shared a little video she took at a recent show. I watched the video as I always appreciate a little Duran in the morning, but I also noticed the comments. A number of people stated how much they enjoyed the video and how Duran always put them in good moods. I stopped and thought. Is that true? Does Duran always put me in a good mood?
Throughout my life, I have always used music to deal with my various moods. I can remember playing Seven and the Ragged Tiger, for example, on my little record player as a young kid and singing and dancing along. I’m not sure I would play the album to put me in a good mood or not, but I agree that it did work. I was in a good mood after that! Later, as a teenager, I adopted a different music policy. I played music to match my mood. If I was angry, I wanted a song to match. If I was feeling hopeless, I picked songs that emphasized that feeling. The music allowed me to indulge in my negative feelings. Many of my college friends would say that they could tell my mood simply by what song they heard loudly being played coming from my room.
Now, some people might say that it wasn’t/isn’t healthy of me to play songs that are negative by nature. Some might say that those songs would just reinforce my less-than-cheerful feelings, which allowed them to continue rather than to be diminished. Maybe. I have found, though, that those songs made me feel understood. I felt less alone, less isolated. I was also able to get rid of or purge my own negative feelings that way.
Now, as an adult, I have found that songs alone don’t have as much power. Experiences matter more in altering or fixing my moods. My feelings have experienced quite a number of ups and downs for the last few months. Before I went on tour in March, things were getting really bleak. My feelings of hopelessness and frustration were growing and I felt very isolated and alone for a lot of reasons that don’t need to be mentioned here. Yet, that tour allowed me to push those negative emotions away. It felt like I moved the storm clouds away to reveal sunlight for the first time in months. I felt renewed and joyful.
Why is that? Was it just Duran Duran’s music that did it? I think their music definitely played a role. There is nothing better than being a Duran show. Truly, it is where I let everything go and just live in the moment. I am the happiest there. I also had a chance to have some good conversations with Rhonda, which were needed and appreciated. Beyond that, of course, we had a ton of fun with other friends and got to make more new ones! That was my favorite kind of weekends and led me to experience more happiness than I had been.
Now, as time as gone by, I have found those positive effects from that mini-tour fading away. My emotions are experiencing more downturns lately. I want to wrap myself in those less-than-happy songs. Instead, what I must do is get ready for the next little mini-tour, which is thankfully approaching quickly. What my task will be then is to figure out how capture the feelings from that weekend so that the feelings last. I want to be able to bottle tour feelings and be able to let out a little every so often as I need it to balance out the reality of life. Wouldn’t that be nice? It would certainly make me happy!