It is the end of October. Two months ago, I was on tour. Rhonda and I were driving around the southeast, rushing to get to our meetups before seeing some great shows! Now, that feels like FOREVER ago. Seriously. It does. Reality, or real life, or whatever you want to call it, has returned and returned in a big, fierce way. This shouldn’t surprise me. This has happened before after a tour but it hasn’t happened to this extent in a long time for me. Yes, I’m working and campaigning full time. This overload of activity does become hyper-intense in such a way that not much else gets through. That said, I shouldn’t feel so far removed from Duranland. I shouldn’t. While there might not be shows coming up (that we know of), there is still activity. This flurry of activity surrounds John Taylor, too. I should be glued to social networking and re-reading his book for the 3rd or 4th time. Instead, I feel like these events are passing me by quickly and that I’m only seeing bits and pieces out of the corner of my eye. It feels so weird. I don’t like it, but part of me doesn’t have a choice with my insane schedule. The other part of me thinks that I should get it together to feel like a part of it. I guess that is really the problem. I feel like the release of JT’s book here in the States happened and that I’m not a part of it. Of course, this gets even more illogical because I have decided to take a risk by going to the signing in Chicago. I should feel a part of it. I don’t.
One of the reasons I decided to go to the signing was to try to get myself back into the Duran groove. How did this happen? How did I get so emotionally removed? How??? It isn’t like I haven’t been doing the daily question and day in Duran history. It isn’t like I haven’t been blogging. It isn’t like I haven’t been talking about Duran at all. Yet, I barely remember what I have talked about on the blog lately and why. I see snippets of stories from fans who have been to signings but I haven’t been able to take the time to really take it all in and react to it. I hate that. I like feeling part of a fan community. I like being happy for others. I like hearing about what they experienced. I like being excited about something. I wish that I felt normal about Duran and Duranland. I know this much. It is nothing that the band did. It isn’t even anything I did, intentionally. I’m trying to fight this lack of energy for all things Duran. I decided to go to the signing to fight. I am trying to get a meetup planned for before the signing. If you want to join, the link to the facebook event is here. I’m hoping that this will really kick start my energy towards all things Duran. Yet, other things are blocking this fight.
Unfortunately, due to life, work, money and more, I have decided not to attend the convention in the UK. While I have no doubt that being in Birmingham and being with a ton of Duranies would restart my fandom, I just couldn’t do it. I can’t take off of work and really can’t afford the trip after touring this summer. Besides, the next time I go to the UK, I want to be able to relax and enjoy it. This would have been such a short trip that I couldn’t justify the cost (including not getting paid at work) and wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much. I know that this is the right decision, logically, but I’m sad that I will be missing so many friends there and people I was looking forward to meeting. I’m sure that this doesn’t help my current state.
For now, all I can do is push through this fog until I am back where I should be with my fandom. Tomorrow, my plan with the blog is to try and catch up on some of the JT media that I have been missing all week. Then, Sunday, I finish discussing the documentary. On Monday, which I am excited about, our book club starts with JT’s book! Please, be prepared to discuss Chapters 1-6. Until then, I’m going to try and get some sleep. If I’m lucky, good Duran dreams might get me back on track!