Maybe Things Can Change Only if You Want

Random aspects of our lives

Well, heck. I’ve sat here with this window open on my computer for far too long, without a single Durancentric, fandom idea popping into my head.

The trouble is two-fold: Spring has sprung at my house. We actually had to mow the grass yesterday afternoon, and for the first time since we moved in – I was able to be outside without a jacket or hoodie on. It had hit 60 degrees F, and I was outside with a Punkmasters t-shirt on. Funny. When I lived in So Cal, if the thermometer dipped below about 68, I was in long sleeves. I had to – it wasn’t as though it would get too much colder! Up here, I was proclaiming it nearly beach weather! So, I’m anxious to be outside, getting our chicken coop finished, and begin making plans for the goat barn and pen areas.

Yes, you read that correctly. Just go with it.

Naivete falls from our eyes

Where was I? Oh yes, the second, more somber reason for my writers block. Well, real-life trouble, of course. I need to tread carefully because this isn’t my story to tell. The bottom line is that sometimes, I don’t know how to help someone. It isn’t just a case of someone needing a bed moved, or even a love triangle than needs sorting. More serious than that, addiction, rehab, lying, and scheming all taking their fair share of the story here. You’d think these were themes from a TV show, except this is all happening in real life.

Of course, I think about John. I have other friends who have gone to rehab and have their own 12-step programs, but he is obviously the most well-known. I think about all he has done in the years since, and how he gives back – as do others within the band. On this very date in 2009, Nick attended the Naked Soul art exhibit in Howick Place, London. The exhibit was to benefit Youth to Youth, a charity to end gang violence and drugs in 2009. Clearly, the cause is something they take to heart.

You know there’s no avoiding

John, of course, has remained pretty vocal about addiction and recovery programs. He’s made it less of a horrible secret and more like any other disease, which seems to be the key. The more we talk about it, the less shameful it becomes. Addiction is a disease. The people – the addicts themselves – aren’t terrible people. They’re not losers, they’re not wastes of life. I sometimes think that gets lost in the translation amongst the horrific tales of desperation that coincide with addiction. Before John wrote his book or started really speaking out, my feelings were very different. It all seemed pretty black and white to me. The school drug programs we sat through each year while growing up really did their work on me.

Now, as a grown woman with children, I see shades of grey. If we can’t help one another, what good are we as humans, anyway? Compassion and kindness go a long way. (Consider this my newer, softer side!)

Admittedly, while I have quite a few friends who have faced the disease, I don’t have a lot of personal experience. I’ve never been that close to it, at least not that I know. Compassion though – that’s something I understand. How far that should go, though? I can’t answer that question. It is one thing to be compassionate, it is another to have your life railroaded. Self-care and protection is important. I recognize that the idea of fighting for sobriety must be incredibly overwhelming.

The lesson to be learned

As I said this morning, the one thing I do know about addiction is that it is a continual, lifelong process, fight, or journey. There’s no magic recipe, or rehab that one enters and comes out an immediate, perfect, success. My understanding is incredibly limited, but I hear it is one day at a time. That’s it. One day. The decision to remain sober is active, whether it is minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, or day-by-day. For those of us habitual, control freakish, long term planners, it seems like a potential nightmare.

Unlike many of my other writings, this doesn’t end with a shiny red bow to tie it up prettily before publishing. These are just musings going through my head that somehow found themselves typed and bound into WordPress. I very much dislike not having answers beyond “protect yourself, but be compassionate”. I know how to finish a chicken coop. (words I never thought I’d type to the world…) I can fix something like that.

This though, is tougher. There isn’t just one pat answer.

-R

2 thoughts on “Maybe Things Can Change Only if You Want”

  1. Thanks for posting this. I’m in early recovery myself and learning to take one day at a time feels like the hardest thing. I wish the best to you and the person you’re helping.

  2. Addiction runs in my family Alcohol for my parents, harder drugs for others.As the child of addicts you see too much and learn too much and it takes a toll. My mother found sobriety through AA and personal discipline, my beloved father died. I appreciate John Taylor for sharing his story, and not trying to make it sound glamorous.I know I am predisposed for it and am mindful to avoid going down that road. For all of you dealing with this please accept my words of encouragement. You will make it and I know from watching my mom that life is so much sweeter and fulfilling when sober.Work the program (if in AA) and call your sponsor if you feel tempted.

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