My Head is Full of Chopsticks

I had grand plans to write about the process of tickets refunding after the canceled shows but it is late and I need more time to organize my thoughts about it. Plus, I wanted to check on my own refund from the Chicago show before I reported on it. I hope to get that blog done either tomorrow or Sunday.
One of the things that I like about Duran is how well they balance extremes. John Taylor, for instance, wanted to balance punk rock (Sex Pistols) with disco (Chic). The band, clearly, has never been a band of guitar rock but the music is not just electronic keyboards. Heck, even the personalities of the band members seem to balance extremes from Andy’s Newcastle attitude to Nick’s suave control or from Simon’s desire for adventure with Roger’s shyness. I have often wondered if the extremes helped or hurt the band. Did it make it harder to get things done? Harder to put up with each other or did it help provide balance? Then, when I think of Duran’s longevity, I think they must have had balance, including balance about their careers. I’m sure that there have been times when one person or more wanted to quit, to walk away, to stop only to be brought back by the rest. Interestingly enough, on tour, a friend of ours described a conversation between Rhonda and myself as “yin and yang”. Now, if you aren’t familiar with that, it is all about opposites. In fact, these opposites together work to form a perfect circle. I have been thinking about that statement this past week as it really seems to apply right now and how it could have been used to describe the band.
Rhonda has rightly pointed out that a lot of Duranies have been struggling with the aftermath of tour, canceled shows and/or the end of a fabulous era of AYNIN. Thankfully for all of you, she was the one blogging during the week. While she has been dealing with the loss of a good friend and the typical post-tour blues, she was able to remain positive and able to convey that to the rest of you. I definitely agree with her about the future of the band as I can’t see them ending their career right now. I can’t. Thus, she was right in saying that we should keep the faith. While I truly believe this, I still find myself struggling emotionally this week, which doesn’t make sense despite having my own post-tour letdown and starting a new job this week. Strangely enough, my emotionality has focused me, on who I am.
Even since the age of 8, I have identified myself as a Duranie. This is as much a part of me as being a White Sox fan, a teacher, and a political organizer. Yet, I feel very distant from this part of me. This isn’t normal. Normally, after a tour, I feel my Duranie spirit is as high as can be. Just look at my blog post after the UK! I even mentioned that my Duranie spirit has been renewed. Why is this different now? It isn’t like I didn’t have fun or that the shows weren’t great! I had a ton of fun, saw fabulous shows and met and saw amazingly fun people! Heck, we even got our front row! So, what is the issue? I’m not really sure. Maybe, I am pulling back because I can’t deal with the idea of an extended break. I do that, after all. I push away as soon as I think I’m going to be hurt. Yet, I can’t figure out what exactly would hurt me. I have survived countless Duran breaks. Plus, we do have things to look forward to, including John’s book, the UK Convention and plenty of plans for the Daily Duranie. I also don’t think that the band will end so it isn’t that. I can’t imagine Rhonda would walk away from me or any of my other Duranie friends. Thus, I don’t know what the heck the problem is.
In response, Rhonda has done what she always does by providing the yin to my yang. She has threatened to come and kick my butt! I’m blogging about this because I think she needs more people helping her bring me back from the abyss of non-fandom. Maybe the rest of you could me figure out how to bring my Duranie spirit back. The best answer might be to go to a show or plan a tour…alas, those aren’t options right now. I’m too busy right now with the start of work and campaign season to try to get together with other nearby Duranies. So, Duranies, I ask you. What can I do? What do you think the band members did when one of the guys wanted to walk away?

16 thoughts on “My Head is Full of Chopsticks”

  1. Well band members have walked away but what I think is key is that 4 out of 5 them have been back together again for over 11 years now and appear to be closer than ever. I mean Roger was gone for how long? 15 years? But he came back and in some ways seems more involved than ever. And it's also interesting to note that in some ways it was one band member considering walking away which sort of brought them all back together again. It was Simon considering throwing in the towel and talking that over with John that in turn sort of got John basically saying “Why don't we try getting the original band back together instead?”

    So I think the key is to just trust your friends, let them be there for you and help you and also don't try to force yourself in a certain direction too much. It's natural to have highs and lows. So you feel a little distant about it now? Give yourself a few weeks and it'll probably be different.

    A lot of it is probably precisely because things were so great this time. I mean yes Simon lost his voice and sadly the final few shows were cancelled because of Nick's virus, but otherwise, this album and this tour have been mostly nearly 2 years of triumphant success.

    It's a higher high to come down from, it's only natural that the “low” is going to feel lower.

  2. Hmmmm…maybe schedule a recording session with a hip hop producer overseas and make sure that the band member in question didn't have a Visa?

    JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!

    Humor is the best medicine.

    –Chris @poptrashed

  3. That's a good point that with a higher of highs, one would get a lower of lows. While it might be good to give myself a few weeks, that's pretty challenging with a daily blog and much else to accomplish like my chapter for the book!


  4. It's hard to say what it may take to bring you back to your Duranie self. I could only guess (based on what you've shared) that maybe you just have other major things going on in your life which could be stressing you out (such as starting a new job). Sometimes we don't realize how stressful certain life events can be until we have time to reflect about it afterwards. It sounds like you have had a lot going with your travels to the shows, starting a new job and gearing up for the elections. Maybe you've been on the go so much you haven't had time to catch up and just “be”? I would also agree that the post concert blues plays a huge part though. It has happened to me and many, many others. And it is very true that the bigger the β€œhigh”, the harder you crash when it’s over. It really is like a drug!

    Remember, three of the Duran members DID leave the band and returned (and one left again). They each had their own issues – some that we are aware of and some we might not really ever know about. Thank goodness they all did come back together (at some point). However, they each had to do what was best for them at that particular time in life. So, if you need to take a breather and/or take a step away for a bit, then go ahead. We all need to regroup at times. We all need to take time away to appreciate what we love most. I certainly wouldn't judge you. I wouldn't want to see you leave the blog or twitter but I'd certainly understand. Maybe it would help to go a week without Duran music, videos, or news for a while? Try a week and see if that helps? I think most fans have stepped away for certain periods in their life. Plus, this would be the ideal time to do it while it's relatively quiet. But, I bet after a week or two you'd be Hungry Like the Wolf for more Duran Duran! πŸ˜‰ (sorry, I know that last sentence was lame but I couldn't resist!)

  5. Yes, obviously, post concert highs, a new job, campaign season all play a role. Of course, band members left. I suspect there were plenty more times they thought about leaving and didn't. I am focusing on those times.

    You know what fascinates me…how everyone seems to be missing the point. First, I don't want to take a break. I just want to feel normal. I was hoping that people would encourage me to…I don't know what…something to get back on track. I wasn't expecting people to encourage me to take a break. Am I really that hard to read?


  6. The prescription you need (along with myself and many others) is a copy of John's book PLUS the audio book. The minute you start reading his autobiography and also listening to his sexy voice, I predict you will be be cured immediately! LOL! πŸ™‚

    BTW – didn't Mr. Taylor Twitter-promise us more clips about his book? Also, I'm dying to get word on when and where he will be doing a book signing in southern CA.


  7. I like your prescription and definitely think that can be a cure!!!!

    I, too, am awaiting any word on more book signings. Do I hear Chicago????? Please!!!

    I am so pathetic that I have preordered the audio, the hardcover, and the hardcover from the UK. Why? I can't wait another month!!


  8. Interesting blog. I think it's perfectly fine to feel the way that you do. It's part of life. Highs and lows. All I can suggest is take it day by day for now and accept it's okay to feel a bit, I don't know, flat?? Looks like you have plenty to look forward to – good luck with the new job.

  9. The thing that keeps me going as a fan is the state of the music business as a whole. Not a lot of people are making a living selling CDs. Whenever I hear about a new Duran Duran project, I know they're doing it for us. Sure, they would love to have that mega hit but if it was all about the money, they would do a Greatest tour every five years. It takes a lot of money to make a new album and most bands are lucky to break even. Duran Duran knows how loyal we are and they respect us. During the reunion hype, they could have just toured and made a boat load of money off of their singles fans. The people who bought Greatest and consider themselves a fan are the people that pay their bills but Duran Duran flex their creative muscle for people like us. People who will debate whether Palomino or Land is a better song. People, for whatever reason, get them. People that have an emotional connection to their music. For me, the band was an exotic import that fascinated me as a teen. I know some of the lady fans like them for different reason than I do but the 14 year old me that thought of them as untouchable is grateful that the band makes themselves available to the adult me. I was a Tears For Fears fan as a teen as well. As much as I respect them, I know they will never go to the extent that Duran Duran has to entertain me. We are lucky as Duranies.

  10. Day by day is exactly how I'm trying to be now! That said, while I appreciate how understanding everyone is being, I was hoping for things to do to pump up my Duranie spirit. Oh well…


  11. I feel the same way. For me I know it's because the Chicago show was cancelled & that was going to be my closure show. I knew that when the lights went off & the last note was played that would be the closing of the AYNIN tour for me. That didn't happen so now I am feeling weird & left hanging. Could that be why you are feeling the way you did?
    I honestly can't complain though. AYNIN has been an AWESOME ride for me….saw them twice & got to meet them too. Just wanted this last show, one more time before it ended.

  12. I am like you, too. I can't complain at all. I saw many shows, got front row, got to see them in their home country. I'm sure that part of it is that I don't like endings even though I know the next chapter will be great, too!


  13. First of all – you can't walk away because I will come to Wisconsin, find you…and kick your sorry ass. Yes, I do mean that with all of the love in the world. Tough love, baby. πŸ˜€ Secondly, and I said this to you in email, I really do think that the abrupt end to this tour did nothing to help any of us, and by “us” I mean EVERYONE…band, fans…everyone. My gosh, even Simon tweeted something about how he was still trying to wrap his head around it all. It happens, even to him, and he was 100% dead on about it leaving a large hole. I wasn't even going to be AT the last few shows and it was a shock. So on that front, yeah, I think that plays a part.

    You have many changes going on right now and I think it's difficult to make sense out of everything and feel “normal”. (well, as normal as you and I can anyway, right?) Yes, my private (not so private because the way I react is to tell everyone everything I guess…) is kind of a mess right now, but I think the way I'm dealing with all of this is part of what makes me who I am. I'm not quiet. Well, not online anyway because this is where I post what I'm really thinking. At home it's different, not that I'm not myself, but let's just say that my real thoughts aren't necessarily accepted. I keep a lot to myself out of necessity. I think that this might be different for you in some very pivotal ways, Amanda. Whereas I let everything out here because it's my therapy (LOL)…you're more careful. Probably smarter, too.

    I think that as with any ending when we don't have any real control – we're uncomfortable and unsure. I don't know if you really need a break as much as you don't want the ride to end. Neither do I, which is why we're going to plan a bunch of fun things to do while we wait for the band to direct the next chapter.

    Oh, and if the band quits – I'm afraid I'll have to go to the UK, find them and kick THEIR asses too. (with love of course. Tough love!)



  14. Maybe I should threaten to walk away so that I can enjoy watching you TRY to kick my ass! LOL

    I absolutely agree that the abrupt end did not help anyone. You know I worried that we might have seen the end back in May of 2011 when Simon had lost his voice but I was comforted (as much as I could be) by the fact that we had, at least, seen the guys. This time, I was no where near them.

    As far as me being more private, I'm always very careful and cautious about what I do share, which isn't good in many cases. I guess that is why I was taken back by how people responded to this blog. I was trying to share what I was feeling and I was looking for people to bring me back in, not allow me to go. I was asking for help, not understanding.

    Yes, I think it will be good to focus on the good, fun things we have planned! I AM NOT DONE YET, EITHER!


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