I’m not really one for resolutions – fact is, I never follow them, and often times I forget what I was resolving to do in the first place! So, I’ve learned that even though I might try to go into the coming days with a new and improved attitude – the whole “New Year, New You” thing just isn’t my cup of tea. However, I do have some goals for myself, and one of which is getting our manuscript into the hands of a list of possible publishers. That is a project that I desperately need to finish, purely because in order to move forward, I have to complete what I’ve left behind. I’m very good at multitasking, but I’ve really hit my limit with what I can take on – something has to give before I can do more, and this year, it is the manuscript.
I think to Duran Duran and how so many times Nick will mention multiple projects he is working on, and those of us who have been around a while will raise our eyebrow and wonder to ourselves “I wonder how much of that will actually see the light of day…in my lifetime?” Of course we’re joking or poking a bit of fun with a grain of truth. There are a lot of things we all want to do, but when it comes right down to it, we can only commit ourselves to so much at one time. Nick probably does what any of us do on any given day, we add items to a list of things we wish to accomplish, and get through them as we can, and a lot of times -that list takes a lot longer to get through than we thought! Last year I overcommitted myself on several fronts – I am not someone who can spend all of my time devoted to outside things because I have three children, and they demand (as well as completely deserve) as much of my attention as I can give. I feel very lucky because I’m able to be a mom, homeschool my son as he needs right now, and still have a little time left for blogging and even some writing. A lot of people cannot even juggle that much because the demands of one thing far exceed everything else, and not everyone can handle the same amount of work and stress. We all do what we can. The blog was never intended to be a full-time gig, and I work steadily to maintain that status quo for myself because quite frankly – this is supposed to be fun, and if it doesn’t stay fun, then it needs to go. There were times over the last year where I’d forgotten that simple, yet important detail. This is supposed to be fun. While I did enjoy the convention, it was a ton of work, and I can’t lie: I did not necessarily enjoy a lot of it towards the end of our planning process. It felt very much like a job and not nearly as much like a friendly gathering. Putting together a party or get together for friends doesn’t feel like that to me, and I think much of it was my own fault. I put a lot of pressure on myself that didn’t need to be there. Don’t we all sometimes?
So I am going into this year reminding myself that this blog is meant to be fun. For me, that means knowing when to say “when”, and when to say “I just can’t.” I’m not particularly good at saying those things – I hate letting people down when I feel as though they are depending on me. So I tend to suppress my thoughts of stress and anxiety, and continue to add things to my plate and juggle away. However, there comes a time when things start getting dropped on a regular basis, and that’s exactly where I’m at right now. That’s when it comes time to say, “What needs to happen right now, and what has to be put on the back burner for later?” So lately I’ve been sorting that out, both in my head, as well as with my loved ones here at home…and I’m learning that sometimes, I have to say “No, I really can’t right now.”. It’s not always welcome or popular, but sometimes – it’s really the only answer that makes sense, and that I don’t really need to explain why to anyone but myself.
While I openly give the band a rough time about getting the album finished or wondering whatever happened to a particular project (Drama Americana anyone??), I need to remind myself of just how much I juggle sometimes, and that chances are, many of those projects I wonder about are probably just a little farther down on that list.