I woke up this morning sick to my stomach. The symptoms clearly said it was some sort of flu with nausea, stomach craps, alternating between chills and sweating and exhaustion. Of course, I posted my illness on my personal facebook while I called the campaign I’m working for to tell them that I needed someone to cover me at today’s canvass. The consensus on facebook was that I had been pushing myself too much and that a day off would do me good. While it could be a virus or a virus that was able to hit due to working so much, I suspect that there might be something else going on. I was able to put it together after receiving an email from Rhonda and seeing her facebook status. She, too, has been battling illness this week and experienced insomnia last night. My sleep has been awful lately as well. Now, we don’t live near each other. I’m in Wisconsin and she’s in California. There is no way that we have the same virus or do we?!?Today is September 22nd. Where were we one month ago? We were in Portsmouth, Virginia, going to our final show of the All You Need is Now tour. This was the last show for probably years and we both were well aware of that on that day. Strangely enough, I also had a weird dream last night in my very restless sleep. The location of this weird dream: Portsmouth, Virginia. When I woke up this morning, I thought it was a strange location to dream about since we weren’t there very long and it wasn’t the most memorable location or show of the tour. Yet, my subconscious was thinking about it. Clearly. In this dream, I had to get to a show. I was in a rush to get there but I kept running into roadblocks, both literally and figuratively. Traffic was a nightmare in my dream as was road construction. I only had a few hours to get there, to the show. Rhonda, too, was struggling to get there. I assumed that she wasn’t going to make it. I found myself slowly accepting the fact that we weren’t going to make it on time for the show. In fact, I decided I wasn’t even going to see Rhonda. I tried to accept it. At the last minute, Rhonda showed up in what I assumed was a hotel room. The last thing I remember saying to her was, “We might make it but it isn’t going to be easy.” When I woke up, I thought I was talking about making that show and maybe I was. Now, though, I think it is bigger than that.
This dream connected with my symptoms, Rhonda’s symptoms and today’s date only means one thing. We are experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Yes, this means that we are addicted. We are Duranaholics. I am standing up as I type this and admitting it. My name is Amanda and I’m a Duranaholic. Clearly, now I know that this addiction isn’t just mental but physical as well. Now that I have taken the first step and am not longer trying to deny this addiction, what do I do? Do I try and break the addiction? If so, this means I have to continue through this detox and, frankly, I have no choice as there is no time with the band in my future. Although, I keep hoping, despite all evidence that it won’t happen, for at least, a tiny fix with a John Taylor signing in…say…Chicago. Okay. *deep breath* So, I must continue through detox. Then what? Meetings? Do they have to be in person meetings or can twitter and facebook be enough? I know that there are many Duranies in the Madison area or within driving distance. Should I organize DA (Duranaholics Anonymous) meetings? What if I’m the only addict? Yes, many people may be able to enjoy Duran in small quantities and might be able to really control their usage. Do you think that they would be able to encourage my change in lifestyle or will they be enablers by showing Duran clips or playing Duran music? Then, there is the issue of Rhonda. Will she walk this path with me or will she continue to use?
Of course, I could just decide to keep using. Maybe I can do enough Duran like to keep the mental and physical suffering away for the most part. What should I do? Which path should I choose? How do I survive until the next fix? How are the rest of you surviving without Duranlive?!
P.S. I do truly understand that real addiction is a disease that should be taken seriously. I was only comparing fandom to real addictions for fun. No offense was meant. I promise.