Running Against the Tide

I apologize for the lateness of the blog today.  I have no good reason other than I’m being kind of a bum.  My to do list is relatively small, at least in terms of work, which means that I have spent most of my day on the couch, relaxing.  Of course, I should be using the time to catch up on other activities that often gets pushed aside and I will.  I’ll get back on track by writing this little blog.

In what comes to a surprise to no one, I don’t tend to think of myself as being like everyone else.  No, the word that often comes to my mind when I think of myself is “outsider”.  I never really fit it in and always felt like I was going against the grain, swimming upstream.  Even now, as an adult, I feel this way.  I’m not into what lots of other people are into.  The examples are numerous.  I won’t be watching the Super Bowl (not even for the commercials).  I don’t have a husband or kiddos to occupy my time.  Instead, I spend a lot of time working, focusing on politics and volunteering on political campaigns.  Not normal, I know.

As a kid, this wedge between me and common, ordinary, normal was just as strong.  I avoided buying the cool clothes and never even tried to fit in.  In fact, at times, I rejected that strongly and openly.  I did go through most of my high school career wearing only black, white, dark green and grey, after all.  Major high school activities were ones that I avoided.  It wasn’t like people hated me (although some did.  I spoke my mind and went against the common ideas of the time and place).  Needless to say, I was a political and religious minority in my home town.  I’m not sure why this is the case.  I didn’t reject normalcy as a elementary school student.  It just was.  It is who I am.  I don’t think that’s bad but I get it when people don’t like me or cannot relate.

My tastes also were not common for the vast majority of my life.  Sometimes, this means that I push aside that which is popular.  (The Super Bowl is one example.  I never got into Harry Potter for the same reason.)  For some reason, when something is so popular, I move away from it.  Maybe I think I won’t be able to call it “mine” with such popularity or that I worry that others connected to whatever is popular will reject me.  There is one exception to this rule.  One.  Duran Duran.

When I became a fan of Duran in 1983/1984ish, they were pretty much the biggest band in the world.  I don’t think that anyone reading this would disagree.  I was pretty dang young at that time (8-9 years old).  I didn’t really know what was popular and what wasn’t.  I didn’t over think things and let my best friend take the lead.  She had heard/seen Duran first and decided we must love them.  I didn’t realize that I would be one of millions of fans.  How could I have known that I would be part of a mass of people?  Yet, there I was, loving what was super popular.

Even now, as an adult, I feel like Duran Duran is my one anchor to normalcy, which sounds weird.  Being a fan isn’t typically what determines an adult’s social status.  Too often being a big fan of something would make an adult look weird.  Many stereotypes and assumptions tend to follow.  Yet, I accept all that because it is the one thing that people seem to be able to relate to me.  I don’t know that a lot of other Duranies can relate to my political work but they can relate to my loving Duran.

On most days, I’m cool with who I am and how I spend my life.  Sometimes, though, I wish that I could be more like everyone else, to stop swimming against the tide.  Yet, I cannot or won’t deny who I am or what matters to me.  On good days and not-so-good days, I always appreciate having Duran in my world  On that one thing, for one moment I was and am just like everyone else.

-A

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