Thank goodness it is the weekend and a long weekend for many of us, at that. My head is reeling about a variety of topics, but I figured a little Lyric Day blog might help me focus. What song did I land on with my search? Arcadia’s Say the Word. If you are unfamiliar with this song, it was featured on the Playing for Keeps movie soundtrack. Using this song for the blog made me really look at the lyrics, probably for the first time ever. I could sing along with this song but never really studied what the heck it talked about.
Right away, the lyric that grabbed my attention was, “Please don’t think twice or be afraid.” Wow. I’ll be honest. That lyric really speaks to me. I used to have a colleague that would talk about how each person had an emotion that ruled over them. She explained that this emotion would be the dominant one, the one a person would fall back on. At times, of course, the person would feel a different emotion but s/he would always return to the dominant one. I found the theory fascinating despite not knowing if this was a legitimate theory studied by science or psychology. Heck, for all I know, it could be something she made up. No matter, it got me thinking and often got us talking. As teachers, we would talk about kids’ dominant emotions. As an individual, I wondered what my emotion was.
Years later, I think I know my dominant emotion. To be honest, it is probably fear. Don’t get me wrong. It isn’t a shaking in your boots kind of fear. No, it is more like an underlying anxiety about what could go wrong. I mask it well and have learned to compensate. At work, it makes me a perfectionist. I am over-prepared as far as my lesson planning goes. Despite having taught for two decades, I still worry the most about what my lessons are going to look like as I worry about falling on my face. (Seriously, people…imagine facing judgmental little teenagers everyday. You, too, might worry about lessons. Ha.) On top of that, I recognize that if I appear as someone with utter confidence, that way I’ll be more likely to be successful at something. I have become a good actress in that sense. During social situations, that fear results in me often sitting back and watching before I jump into a friendship or even a conversation. To some, then, I appear less than friendly or even cold. Nope. I’m just making sure that I won’t look like an idiot.
While this quote makes me think about all of that, right now, it makes of think of this possible convention Rhonda and I are planning. Between the two of us, I go in sounding more positive, more sure of our success. In reality, that underlying fear is there with something like this even though I know that we can organize well and that the last one was successful. Like with everything else, I recognize that having that confidence makes it more likely to work. Every positive or encouraging comment really helps. It is harder, though, when people put down the idea because the band won’t be there or won’t play there or that our timing is bad, etc. Each time, that fear gets a little bigger and I work really hard at pushing that negativity down.
Therefore, as we go forward through this process, I am giving myself a lot of positive self-talk to reassure myself that there are many fans who like the idea or even love the idea. I’m going to remind myself that we can and will absolutely do this, if at all possible, and make it a success. I won’t let fear dictate my actions or my reactions to others. Nope. I will move forward with my head held high and confidence even higher. I refuse to be afraid.