I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve seen some weird reactions since Monday, the day that most of us discovered that Simon was going to become a grandpa in June.
I’ve seen everything from joyful congratulations to downright lamenting age, and trust me – I’m right there with all of you. I’m sure to some degree, Simon might be too. After all, it is HIS daughter having the baby! My goodness, as thrilled as I might be to become a grandma (NOT ANY TIME SOON!), I think I’d still take a hard look at myself in the mirror. I think that’s probably normal for anyone.
While I think we might all be incredulous over how quickly time has passed, I’ve also noticed something different that I can’t quite put my finger on. In addition to the posts, tweets and comments of congratulations and joy, there’s been this weird sense of almost a sort of….ownership…familiarity? I’m not even sure those are the right words, but it is something I’ve noticed before.
Most fans have been so since their very early teens. Sure, there are some that have joined the family more recently, and I’m not discounting them – but a lot of us have been around for decades. I have to wonder if that hasn’t given us a false sense of familiarity.
I mean, it isn’t as though we know Saffron personally (for the most part). It is wonderful to send congratulations, but can you imagine what it must be like to be a member of that family and have people you have never even met telling you that if they had their preference, the baby would be a healthy girl? Or boy? It must be overwhelming, whether or not you and I think that Saffron, as Simon’s daughter, must be used to it by now. I guess part of me wonders why should she HAVE to be?
By the same token, we fans are pretty damn overwhelming to the band, too. Can you imagine having some self-proclaimed blogger write about you every day? Complaining about how long you’re taking to write and record an album, then…just as the album is released, she criticizes it? Who in the hell does she think she is? Good question.
Yes, I think about these things a little differently now than I did a few years ago.
I can’t really find fault with people wanting to express their good wishes. Hell, I did the same thing. I posted a note and even wrote a blog. But after I published, as I washed my face and climbed into bed after a long day, I started thinking about how overwhelming it must be at times.
A few weeks back I was chatting back and forth with a friend of mine who also happens to play bass in a Duran Duran tribute band. We were talking about my absence at a lot of their gigs these days. I explained that I got tired of getting that feeling of entitlement from some of the other fans at their shows, and the attitude of “ownership” that went with it. Here’s a band, a TRIBUTE band at that – and they still have fans who believe that because they’ve gone to every gig or most gigs, that they have somehow proven that they’re more worthy than others. My feeling is that I just want to listen to their music. I don’t need the rest of the crap that I feel at shows from the REAL band. Forget that nonsense.
The knowing looks, the narrowing eyes when one describes meeting the band or being in a situation that someone else hasn’t, the one-upping through Facebook posts, Instagram pictures and all of that. Gah! I just want to go to the show, enjoy the music, and not worry about the rest. I don’t want to have to “prove” why I am worthy to be there, or why I am deserving of whatever experience I’m enjoying at the time. It drives me crazy. Sometimes, this community seems to be more about proving yourself than it is about just enjoying the band.
I admit it, sometimes, it is difficult to remember that my only “duty” as a fan is to enjoy the music. I am still learning how to approach it all. As a blogger, it is easy to fall into the trap of critiquing more than enjoying. I know this because I’ve been in that pit before. I much prefer writing in a way that celebrates (In some way) everything they’ve done rather than finding fault. It’s a slippery slope because, let’s face it, that isn’t the way I’ve always written. I’m not going to apologize or make excuses except to say the blog has been a journey. I’m learning, like it or not.
It is easy to feel like I am a big part of the history of this band because I’ve been walking with them since 1980-something. I feel like I know them, even though I really don’t. Many of us feel that way. I’m sure they are used to people like me, stepping on their every word. Even so, I’m calling myself out here as much as anyone else. I don’t own Duran Duran. I might be a hard-core fan in desperate need of a new hobby, but that doesn’t mean they know me, or should abide by anything I write.
Hard truths for a Thursday.