I admit it. This is the busiest, most stressed I have ever been in my entire life. Part of me loves the heck out of campaigning and part of me really longs to sleep, eat like a normal person and not be gone for 14-15 hours a day. While I love my campaign team to pieces, I also miss those times when I can just focus on fandom, Duran Duran, and fun. Interestingly enough, I had a conversation this evening with my intern about being yourself. (Yes, I have an intern. No, I cannot pay her. Yes, she is a former student. No, I’m not sure what that says about me.) She vented to me about not knowing exactly what she wants to do with her life and how she feels like she has to choose between various things she loves. The assumption is that she has to choose one to focus on. The reality is, I told her, that she can love more than one thing at a time and the goal should not be to choose just one thing but to have all things she loves be a part of her life. That said, it doesn’t mean that you can love all equally, all the time. One thing might be more important for awhile before something else takes center stage. At least, this is how I live my life. So, yes, right now, this campaign is sucking up 90% of my attention and love. That doesn’t matter that I don’t love fandom. I really, really do.
To that end, I thought reposting a blog might be good. I thought I could find one that seemed important or meaningful or fun. I ended up finding one I wrote after a mini-tour in 2017 and how after the tour, I felt like everything was back on track, in terms of my fandom. I have no doubt that I will write something similar in the weeks to come. For now, here’s the blog from two years ago.
LOST SOULS DIAMONDS AND GOLD
MARCH 24, 2017
One of my favorite scenes in Duran’s Sing Blue Silver documentary is when John Taylor is woken up to do an interview. During that interview, he comments about how the tour (he is referring to the 1984 one) was “never an assured tour”. I always took this to mean that the band didn’t really know how the tour was going to go. Would the fans show up? How would they react? No matter how many times I see that scene, I find myself shaking my head. How could they not know? Of course, the fans would show up and love it! Duh!
Yet, this past weekend, that quote floated through my brain quite often. After all, I, too, felt that way before this past little mini-tour of ours at Agua Caliente. I didn’t know how it was going to go, which was weird and felt very odd. In the days leading up to going, I found myself struggling to get excited in the same way that I normally do. Yes, I looked forward to it but it wasn’t the usual jumping out of my skin in excitement. Was I losing my Duranie touch? Looking back, I think it had more to do with me.
Life hasn’t felt very friendly lately. I lost a lot of motivation for many things and to be honest, my friendship with Rhonda felt strained. I couldn’t pinpoint anything specific but we were distant from each other due to lack of time, lack of effort, and lack of understanding. I knew this going into the tour. In fact, I told some people that I fully expected this to be my last one This wouldn’t be because I wouldn’t have fun or because my love for Duran would end. I just thought that maybe it had run its course or it would seem like too much effort.
As the weekend began, I told myself to have no expectations other than having fun. The weekend didn’t have to be perfect (whatever that even means) to be great, I figured. If you read or watched our blogs last weekend and beyond, you are well aware that the weekend definitely exceeded my expectations. The shows were so much fun. While, yes, I grumbled and complained about the lack of Planet Earth, I didn’t let that tick me off (too much). I figured that it gave me permission to give them a hard time back, right??? I sang. I danced. I screamed. It was glorious. Yes, I wished that we had at least 18 songs and, yes, I wish that Sunrise or Careless Memories or Planet Earth was on the setlist. Instead of complaining or wishing for something else, I appreciated the heck out of Only in Dreams and Is There Something I Should Know?.
Then, there was everything surrounding the shows. I loved having drinks with friends, seeing people I only see at Duran functions and being reminded that everyone connected to Duran makes a community, a family of sorts. I got to know people better and I got to meet people for the first time. And, yes, I was reminded of why Rhonda and I tour so well together as we were the last ones standing on both nights. Perhaps, there is also a lot less vodka in the resort after we had been there (along with our fellow vodka drinking friends!).
Of course, Rhonda and I had a chance to talk as well, which was much appreciated and needed. I feel confident that the conversation reminded us both to be supportive of each other even if we don’t always understand the other’s choices. Since then, things have felt very normal, which is so nice. So much has not felt normal for me for a long time. I have been focusing on fighting to keep the normal as I feared that many changes, significant and negative ones, would be coming down the pike. While I don’t regret that and embrace that part of myself that must fight back, I must also remember what is part of my normal, what I am working to keep. My normal means that Duran Duran and fandom plays a significant part. It includes touring when and where I can. Having fun is necessary to keep going during the less than fun times.
The weekend, the mini-tour, reminded me that I can wear more than one hat at a time. In fact, it is required. I remembered how much fun touring is and why my friendship with Rhonda matters as much as it does. It gave me motivation to keep working on a dream, in one way, shape or form. I don’t know that I can say that the weekend was perfect or the best tour, but it really was damn good. Even better, it didn’t even end before I started to plan for the next one. That is the ideal way to be, isn’t it? Lost souls diamonds and gold, indeed.