When It Comes Down to my Soul

Every summer I come up with a long list of projects, things I want to accomplish but cannot when I’m working 60-70 hours a week during the school year.  Typically what happens is that I get about 75% of the way done and then the rest goes undone until the next summer.  For example, last summer I worked on organizing pictures.  I finished organizing them through 2011.  Clearly, I did not finish (and haven’t yet).  This year is no exception when it comes to starting a big project.  Organization is my big focus.  I decided, perhaps stupidly, to go through my entire house and reorganize it.  Needless to say, I have thrown out a bunch of stuff and put other items aside to give away.  This makes me feel good and more in control.  I need that.

In some ways, this summer, this time reminds me of the summer of 2015.  During that year, my mom battled cancer.  This meant that my entire focus was on her and what needed to be done to support her.  This, of course, didn’t mean that everything else stopped.  I still had to pay my bills, go to the grocery store, clean my house, etc.  Life didn’t stop but my priority changed.  Now, in 2018, my priority is my political activity.  It is an election year (maybe the most important in US history), which means that a whole lot of my time is spent gearing up for August through Election Day when voter contact will be frequent.  Thus, I’m trying to keep up on my household tasks while keeping my eye on political stuff and reorganizing my house.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not complaining.  I chose this and feel like it is what I need to do.  But I do realize that other parts of my life are being pushed to the side.

I’m getting close to finishing this big summer project having just one room and one closet left to complete.  What room and closet is left?  It is my office, which is really my second bedroom.  Now, some of you might know that my office is my Duran sanctuary of sorts.  It is covered with Duran posters, album covers, photos from various tours, and much more.  

In the process of reorganizing this space, I have gone through convention materials, notes from various book projects, notebooks filled with brainstorming and blog ideas.  I smiled a lot as I came across each and every item.  In some cases, my facial emotion reflected the joy that arose from a good memory of a fun time.  In other cases, I felt a longing to finish or to start a project that once came up.  I miss writing and researching in that way.  Yet, I instantly recognized that now is not the time as much as I might want to sit down and write or research some angle of fandom that I hadn’t considered much.  No, my focus is elsewhere.  I get it.  This is how life goes.  Hopefully, it will swing back to this sooner rather than later.

This leads me to think of the blog.  For some reason, this is different.  Unlike more significant writing, this remains part of my daily existence.  I suspect that part of this is the fact that we made a commitment to do this daily.  I follow through on my commitments.  The other aspect is our longevity.  We have been writing this blog for a long time.  It is now a habit, part of my daily existence.  It does not fit in the projects category of my life.  No, writing this blog is like paying bills…although that makes it sound like a chore.  Perhaps a better way to say it is that it is like showering.  Yes, it takes time, but it is time that makes me feel better.  It helps me get the rest of my to do list done.  This task gives me energy and an escape from the less than fun aspects of life.  It keeps me attached to the fandom, to the  Duranie in me that I desperately need when the rest of life gets heavy.  In the past whenever I have pushed some aspect of myself aside, that part always bubbles to the surface, demanding my attention and showing that I was unhappy without it.  Now, I guarantee that this won’t happen.  No, the blog keeps one foot in fandom while I take care of business elsewhere.  For that, I’m grateful.

-A

4 thoughts on “When It Comes Down to my Soul”

  1. I really love that space. Neat, organized, and bonus…attractive. The tables you are using as your corner desk would be perfect as a small kitchen table in my small house. May I ask where you got them?Furniture is just so huge these days. Not everyone owns a mcmansion. I’ve been to every store and it’s the same.

    1. I believe that I purchased the tables at an office supply store, maybe Office Depot. Good luck finding something that works for your space! -A

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