Why don’t you say I’m wrong

Read any interesting blog posts lately?

So yesterday was quite a day. We went from sickly page view numbers that made me nervous last week to nearly 700 page views in a single day with a single blog. For us, that’s really good. We are not a widely read blog, as you might imagine, and we take our small victories as they come. While the jump is good and welcome, the reason for it really, really bothers me.

Last week and for several weeks prior, we’d gotten into a bit of a rhythm of talking up the wonders of being a fan. We can’t help it – we love being fans. We want everyone to feel welcome, to be happy and loved. Rainbows and butterflies, right? Yep, I know you were sick of it, because we could see that as time wore on, our page views went down. So yesterday I decided it was time to shake the proverbial tree. Let’s see what happens when I talk about something that truly bothers me as a fan! So I posted about friendship. I mused that the friends I’ve made on this journey matter more to me than the stuff I’ve acquired. Then I went one step further and commented about a couple of things that I often see in this community.  The one-upping each other. The competition over the band – the one thing that none of us can really completely own and call our own. I gave some very exaggerated examples, figuring someone out there would relate. Many of you did. Still others not only related, but were convinced I was talking about them, and I am currently feeling their anger as a result.

Let me be clear, the blog was not about posting photos, being a collector, or even about stalking the band (which is a real stretch because those words were never used). It definitely was not about jealousy. The point of the blog, for those who care to understand, was about friendship. It was written as MY opinion that the friendships I’ve made along the way are much more important to me than the “stuff”…the “things”…whether those things are photos, merchandise, or time in front of the band. I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me, and I fully expected to have healthy discussion, which we did. If by chance, you find yourself convinced the blog was speaking of specific people yesterday – I would invite you to read again, a little more carefully with a lot less narcissism this time.  

One thing I’ve learned in my time as a writer is that people are going to read whatever I write and then draw their own conclusions. I could say the sky is blue and someone out there will come back and say that no, it is very clearly green. People are going to draw whatever they want from my blogs, and there isn’t much I can do about that except to try and be clearer the next time. I don’t wish to lose friends, but on the same token – my job is to comment on being a fan, and if you don’t think that there’s competition in this fan community, I say you’re not looking. 

Very few of our readers are interested in anything if it doesn’t have to do specifically with the band. This is not my attempt to berate readers, this is me learning where I can improve…my musing “out loud”, so to speak. On one hand, it’s humbling and no one ever needs to worry about our egos inflating…on the other, it’s frustrating. There is so much more to being a fan, such as our relationships with one another. After all, in many cases, we are reading about and seeing people who have truly been friends for over thirty years now, brought together simply from the love of a band. That is amazing and SHOULD be celebrated and talked about.

I’m all for blog views of over 700 each day, but it would be nice if it weren’t due to controversy and drama. Something for me to think about and work towards….when it comes down to it, I will just keep writing.

-R

17 thoughts on “Why don’t you say I’m wrong”

  1. For me, I often get busy and come in and just check my notifications and a few things on my news feed. Sometimes a topic will catch my attention and I will have to read it. Other times, I don't even see the posts in my news feed, so I miss some things. I like what you are doing, though, and controversy or no, it is a fun experience. I like the way different topics are covered. Just keep doing what you are doing and some days you will have a lot of traffic and others, not so much. Keep in mind there has been a LOT going on in the news in the US of late and people, here, anyway, have been a bit sidetracked and maybe didn't have a chance to catch up on all the fun, frivolous things in life. Blogs of any kind fall into that category most of the time, so it is not really a reflection on you directly. There are many factors and a lot of them have nothing to do wit your topics of choice on a given day. In other words, it may not be personal. ;-D

  2. The people who took your blog personally need to examine just WHY they took it personally. That's the joy of a blog – it's YOUR opinion, which you are entitled to.

    For whatever it's worth, I didn't think your examples were even remotely over the top, because I could think of specific fans who were guilty of each (or all) of them. So, you're NOT wrong. But hey, that's just MY opinion…

  3. I don't think that you should change (for lack of a better term) your writing or the subjects that you bring to the blog. As you said, it's all a matter of how the reader takes them. And like every discussion out there, there are going to be those that gather more interest than others. But for those who take offense to what is either being written or commented on, perhaps it's they who need to take a good hard look in the mirror and question why they took offense. Were you pointing fingers? Absolutely not. Yet some took it that way. There must be a reason why.

    I have made some of the best friends I could ever want due to this band and I am beyond grateful for that. Due to the common ground of FANTASTIC music (not to mention some pretty hot guys …. getting hotter as they have gotten older), it has been 30 years of planning shows, planning get togethers during non-tour time, writing and sharing fan-fic, sharing experiences of meeting the band, going to shows, some of the pictures that have been taken w/those who have not yet experienced that. I know that before I got my chance back in '05 to meet the guys, I loved hearing my friends experiences. It was fun to kind of live vicariously through them. Still is.

    But as you said, it's all about the friendship. And while yes, the band and their music is still a big part of the friendships, I've also gotten to know, learn from and experience other things that I never thought I would due to meeting these friends over the years. Strong bonds, support systems are made, advice sought and given, joys and sorrows of families are shared. It's like having an extended family with something like this. Sure there will be controversy. What friendship or family doesn't have that? But that's just how it is. We all get over it.

    Sorry, didn't mean to ramble on for so long. Have enjoyed the blogs. Looking forward to reading more.

    p.s. While stalking was never used in yesterday's discussion, don't be surprised as it's not as much of a stretch as you may think.

  4. We appreciate you reading whenever you get the chance…and I know it's probably not personal. You're absolutely right, this is frivolity compared to what's going on in the world. I still need to watch the numbers and make sure we're hitting topics that people care about though…so it's nice to read comments like this that tell me we're on the right track! Thank you. -R

  5. You do not need to apologize for rambling here. I do it every day. Well, nearly every day. Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays are Amanda's show… 😀

    This is very much like a huge, extended and ever-so-slightly (read: sarcasm) dysfunctional family. Sometimes we have major disagreements, but most of the time, we do OK. Don't you love Duran downtime??? 😀 😀

    Thanks for commenting and for the support, I really appreciate that! -R

  6. Hi there.
    I have to say, I read the blog whenever I can and after reading this one, I went and read the one that was published yesterday.

    I really can´t understand why that blog could upset anyone. It is true, things end beacause life is like that; want it or not, everything ends. Please, do not get me wrong, I do hope that DD are still playing in their 80s!

    About the fandom thing, it IS very competitive. This is something that as a fan nobody can deny. Some people are very competitive and sometimes it gives the impression that their lifes are at stake just to be “The Chosen One” by the band or a band member, and all the blog says is that whatever any of us can get along the way from the band(like a pick or a photo or an autograph) it could (or should) never have more meaning than true friendship and love from an actual person in your life. Let´s face it, Duran Duran is a band, they have their own lives and loved ones. I don´t mean they do not love their fans, but I think we love them way more than they love us. They mean a lot in our lives, but as bad as this can sound, they don´t care about us in the same way we do about them. We are millions and most of us, they don´t even know in person!

    There are also loads of “super fans” who have like Rio and Greatest, and maybe AYNIN as their complete collection and behave like they know everything about DD; it happens with every act out there.
    There are people who get a tweet or are followed by someone from the band or someone from their “private circles” and think they are “Good friends of John Taylor or Simon Le Bon” just because of a virtual Tweeting connection.

    Let them believe whatever they want. There is nothing anyone can do about that. The first thing we should all keep in mind is that everyone in entitled to have their own opinion.

    There are no names there on the blog, why be upset? It´s just an accurate description of “the grey world of reality”. And it happens with any artist or band, not just Duran Duran.

    I still do not understand why people are angry. I guess if you do not read it in full depth to truly understand what is said and you have a picture with any band member or a signed copy of John´s book, then you should feel offended. All that comes to my mind is this: Who do you think you are? Why would the blog be talking about you and not in general? What is it said there that is so “mean”? We all know this happens. Why feel so bad about a few words telling the truth, and even worse, why owning up to them?

    Keep the blogs coming and thank you for taking the time to write about Duran Duran and fans, and all that exists in between.
    xo

  7. This fan community is one of the most competitive fan groups out there, I say this because I remember how even in the '80s fans could be cut-throat jealous of one another. I remember chatting with my girlfriends about the band, and Gods forbid if you met another girl who liked the same band member as you. Far to often you would get bullied by such girls, all because they wanted to be the one, and only fan of that band member, I guess they thought that if they were that member's only fan that they would get to live their fantasy of marrying that guy. I have forgotten (gladly) the details of those girls fantasies concerning their desire to merry a band member, and realize that my fantasies about the band were way off the norm. Me all I ever wanted was to be a bodyguard for the band, and I mean that as in like for real, (nothing sexual implied.) I still remember the death of Mr. John Lennon, and so I have always felt protective of those 5, now 4 gentlemen. It's good to be a fan of an artist, but sometimes, some people do take it way to far, weather it's relatively harmless to others such as spending way to much of their personal resources on memorabilia, or by becoming a rabid, and verbally harassing other fans simply because they don't know as much about the band as they do, you don't own as much memorabilia as they do,you have never been to a concert, or have never had a chance to meet the band same as they have. I have been on the receiving end of this type of harassment many times, but it has never made me less of a fan no matter what those type of fans seem to believe about what it means to be a (real) fan. I love Duran Duran”s music, and I see nothing that is likely to change that fact ever. Their new music is to me just as good, if not better than ever, and in my personal opinion they have never put out a bad song, or album, though I have heard some rumors of this. I do have all of their music, some of which is still new to me, but I have been listening to it, and though not all of it is as good as the rest, none of it is bad (to me at least.) So even though not all of my experiences with my fellow Duranies have been good, I still want to make more new friends among OUR fandom, to share in OUR love for the music, and the respect WE all feel for the artists who create it. Which is why I can't wait till Oct. for DURANDEMONIUM!!!!!, which I made sure to get a ticket for, it sounds like it will be amazing, and I so want to meet other Duranies.

    P.S: I find it hard to wrap my mind around the thought that this blog doesn't have millions of readers. This blog is so helpful, informative, and heartwarming that I can't see why most, if not all Duranies wouldn't want to read it. Keep up the great work, and again Thank You Both
    P. P. S: Here's a little something for all the Duranies who do read this blog.
    THE DURANIE PLEDGE.
    We pledge allegiance to the music of Duran Duran, to which we dance,
    Many Duranies under; John, Nick, Roger, and Simon,
    Notoriously united with Liberty, and Decadence for all…..

  8. Why all the drama, people? Can't we just go back to talking about Simon's daughters or something? (proceeds to put his headphones back on and crank up TV Mania again, mumbling something about “needing to come up with some more @RhondasLap tweets”)

  9. I wish there was a way to *like* the responses (and the blog itself) as we *like* the posts and comments on Facebook. This is a great reply!

    ~Mimsy

  10. Christopher!!! We *never* talk about Simon's daughters here! *gasps and holds hand to forehead….scene cuts to smarmy Soap Opera music and fades to black*

    (dramatic enough??)

    Hey – I've been listening to Paramount a lot lately. I think it might be my favorite off that album right now. 😀 -R

  11. We WISH we had millions of readers.

    I can't even imagine what I'd do if we did!! I'm still shocked that anyone reads, most of time, no matter what my comments might have been earlier this week. 😀 Thanks for the support and wonderful comments! -R

  12. Rhonda – please don't ever change or censor your style of writing. You are saying what many of us are already thinking. I have known your style of thinking for almost 10 years now (scary, huh?) and you are a beautiful person (inside & outside).

    The sooner the fans realise this band isn't going to marry them, pay their mortgages, father their kids – the happier they will be. I recall telling a non-Duran friend of mine about the drama that happened from DDM in 2005/06 era. She looked at me, with a disgusted look, and said “It's just a f*cking band”. She's right. Get a grip, folks.

    Lisa

We (Amanda and Rhonda) appreciate discussion and differences of opinion. We respectfully ask that you fully read the blog before bitching us out. If you're only here to take us down a notch, note that we moderate replies (meaning we're not printing rude comments). Thanks a bunch!

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