A journey indeed

Crazy stuff has been happening lately. Things that I just never gave much thought about, and other things that I still can’t quite ascertain – I just know things are happening. I can sense things changing (both inside and around me), but I am just allowing them to happen. That right there is a MUCH different path than I normally take. I’m trying not to question anything, just to take opportunities as they come – honestly and without judgement. Last night as I was putting my four-year-old to bed she asked me the strangest question. She wanted to know if dreams ever come true. Now, in her four-year-old mind I know she was really wondering if there was ever any chance of her becoming a princess and ruling over a kingdom in a beautiful pink gown with a jeweled crown to match, but I took her question seriously and gently. I told her that there were things that I never thought would ever come true in my life that I’ve been able to do, in very recent years no less – and that I didn’t think she should ever stop dreaming. Sometimes even the craziest dreams can become reality! She wanted to know exactly what I was talking about, so I gave her a few very easy examples that seemed to satisfy her enough to get her to go to sleep. (…And I’m not going to lie here – after 9pm, that’s really the goal. We read a book together, and then it’s off to bed for her so that I can finally have a few minutes of peace.)  As I exited her room and went upstairs, I continued to ponder her innocent question.

You know, back when I came up with the insane idea to start this blog, it was merely a way to get the thoughts that were in my head organized somewhere. I’ve said I didn’t think anyone would read it, and mostly – I still stand by that comment. When people come up to Amanda and I at shows and get togethers and say they read the blog, I’m still really surprised. Yes, I can access our stats here, but I think it lies. (and it really does!) I’m also really thankful when someone says they read, only because if it helps someone else or it gives someone the motivation to come to a fan get together, knowing that at least the possibility exists that they will not be eaten alive, but instead welcomed, then I feel like I’ve done something positive. No one should have to go to shows by themselves, or sit at home watching New Moon on Monday alone, darn it.

The point of course is that I had no plan when we started, only that we begin. It is not really an accident that the very day I wrote our first blog was also my dad’s birthday. He’d passed away a couple of years prior at the time, and as anyone who has lost a parent (or anyone) knows – the birthdays can be tough. I’ll be fine for months on end and then suddenly I’ll just sit up and realize, and the pain is easily as bad as it was as I stood up at his memorial, recalling stories of my dad and I together. So on that first day as I started poking at the keys, trying to find a good way to explain who we were and what we were doing, my dad memory was heavy on my heart, and blogging was my way, IS my way, of coping.

I still really don’t think I have a plan, and when someone wants to know what my “end” goal is, I can’t really say. I just don’t know, and I don’t really like being forced into coming up with an answer. Right now I just want to finish the book and get it properly published. I want to keep blogging and I want to let whatever else is going on just happen naturally. I’ve never been good at just letting things happen – and I’ve got to tell you all – the things in my life that I’ve sort of “forced” through haven’t necessarily ended up being the best! Coincidence?? Maybe in some cases, in others? Probably not. I just know that something is out there in the distance and I’m trying not to ruin it by over-thinking or over-planning. If this sounds familiar to you – as in perhaps you read it this morning in a blog by none other than John Taylor, you would not be wrong in making such a connection.

When I logged onto Facebook this morning, I saw he’d written a blog, and like the rest of you – I clicked on the link for it right away. Wanna read it? You can find it right here. John Taylor is an amazing individual. Yeah, yeah – I know all of you already think that and have since the 80’s. The thing is, back in the 80’s I steered clear of John, primarily because I didn’t want to try and claim to be a John-girl and have my fellow Duranie friends after my hide. I paid attention, but I didn’t fawn over him. (Much. I AM human, you know.) The thing is, John’s writing is so pure and so real, how can I not notice? His writing inspires me (and I know he inspires Amanda) to keep writing, keep blogging, and to keep going. Who knew that the bass player from Duran Duran would be the one to motivate me?!? Not this girl. It’s not just about sharing his story, either. Anyone can write a memoir. Some are interesting, and others just feel like words on a page. The quote he used from his motivational book is so, so true. “what does not come from the heart does not reach the heart”. John’s book, his blogs and even his music comes from the heart. That’s why each of those things reach me. 

Just as John is saying that he doesn’t really know where it’s all going and that it’s a process, that’s how I’m seeing all of this blogging and writing with me. I haven’t had that many out of this world experiences – I mean, I didn’t nail a dream job (I don’t even know what a “dream job” would even mean), I haven’t necessarily met my idols or anything quite that obvious, it’s just a case where I know, for the very first time in my life, that I’m on the right path. That has to be worth something, doesn’t it? While it’s true that we (Amanda and I) do not have nearly the audience that someone like John Taylor might have, nor do we have aspirations of  becoming rock stars or professional groupies, the affirmations are indeed the same.

Some personal comments – just in case John Taylor ever comes across this blog. I can’t even believe you’d ever worry that writing a book WASN’T a good idea!!  I worried that you would give away too much of yourself. I too wondered as Gela did, about how you felt now that people know more about you. I guess that must be the line you walk – giving away without giving too much. I can understand and respect that. Sometimes as fans we question whether you’re (not specifically YOU, but any one in the public eye) do things purely because you want to share or because you want whatever you can get out of us. It’s a sick game at times, and I think fans read way too much into some of the most simple things. It’s something I struggle with myself on occasion – no one likes to be taken for a fool, but yet if you don’t leave yourself open, life can be very constrictive. People constantly question if you (yes YOU) are only on Twitter because you have something to sell, and perhaps that really is the case at times – as I’m fond of reminding people – being a rock star is still a JOB when it comes down to it. You can only give so much before you have to return to your reality. Your family, your personal friends. Your life. The fact is, I still believe you’re there and here because you want to be. I’m enjoying the journey, and it seems you are as well, John. Isn’t that really the point?

-R