All In

That’s really how I feel about this upcoming second trip to the UK.  I scrimped and saved to begin with, went all out with airline tickets and shows, then went in May and was completely flattened by the semi-truck of disappointment that went flying past, LeBon’s voice caged in the front seat.  I don’t know what struck me to say with resolve that I would be back, but I held steadfast.  I announced to my husband on a phone call before I even got home that I would go back to the UK when they rescheduled the dates.  I don’t even know how I stayed so calm and collected about the entire thing now that I look at it.  If you knew me, you’d realize that I’m not normally like that.  I get mad.  I yell.  I curse wildly.  😀   I did none of that on that initial trip, and I was pretty dang forgiving about the whole situation, almost as though I was in complete disbelief that it was happening.  Let’s face it, I did what most US Duran fans never even think about, much less follow through on – and that’s fly to the bands homeland.  I can only think of a handful of other fans who have gone to the UK from here, and I can name far, far less that flew over there only to have shows completely rescheduled and come away having seen not a single show.  It’s the kind of thing that could completely turn fans away, I would imagine.  Of course I was disappointed.   I think I was even partially angry at some point, but I refused to let that come through.  There was only one 30 minute sojourn of complete hysteria here in my house before I left on that fateful day in May, but even then I knew that I had to follow through with my plans.  I was leaving in less than a couple of hours, show(s) or not.  When I landed, I was emotionally tired, and I think I stayed that way the entire 9 days I was gone.  What’s funny in hindsight is that I remember offhandedly saying “My husband travels a lot for work, and I might just be able to use a frequent flier ticket to come back.”  I’m not really sure I believed those words when I said them.  At that point, I distinctly remember feeling as though I wasn’t ready to give that dream up yet but I couldn’t think it all through right at that moment.  I still look back and can’t even believe it all happened.  I’ll bet the band has those moments, too.  (Although their moments probably involve late nights, hotel rooms and parties beyond measure.  Wow I live a sheltered existence.)  On the trip home in the airplane, I could barely hold my head up, I was so tired.  The guy next to me was intent to chat the whole way, which was fine I suppose – although at several points I begged for Calgon to take me away.  I just looked forward to getting off the plane and seeing my family.  Once back in California, I was convinced the shows would never take place, and truthfully – I didn’t mind.  As we all know, they did eventually replan the tour and announce the reschedules, and naturally I talked Amanda into going back over….or maybe she talked me into it…I’m really not sure.  I just know we somehow sold tickets, bought more tickets, and just two days ago, bought two more.  So now, we’re “ALL IN”.  We’ve spent our funds (and more), and now we’ve got plane tickets, some idea about hotels, and are even going to Scotland on top of it all.  I’ve never been to Glasgow, or Edinburgh where we’re staying with a friend of Amanda’s, so this is pretty exciting.

I know this is a gamble in a way I never really considered before.  Anything can happen, and I know that even though it’s beyond all reason – Simon’s voice could go again, or any number of things could go wrong.  Lightning *can* strike more than once, and I guess that yes, I was willing to gamble it all for the opportunity to live this dream through.  That all said – if for some reason it doesn’t happen this time, I have to be done – I couldn’t even think about going a third time for shows.  When I said “All in”, I’m serious – this has to work!

Of course I don’t mention or think often about the fact that for me, this has got to be the apex of my “career” as a fan.  I have to start considering cutting back on the touring somehow – or find a better way of funding it – because my oldest will be going to college in a few short years.  High school isn’t cheap either.  My middle child – my son – has dreams of USC, and my retirement account has dreams of my going back to work.  HA.  Take a number and get in line, Mr. Retirement Fund!!

-R