I don’t know how other people feel – but I hate it. I don’t really enjoy fighting with people. I don’t like the sick feeling I get in the pit of my stomach, and I especially don’t like knowing that someone is angry with me. I wasn’t always this way though, at one time I know that I started my fair share of arguments on a message board, and I tried very hard to hold my own. If I felt strongly about something, I would argue it, attempting not to get personal, but sometimes it happened. At some point in the last few years though, I either realized it’s not worth it, or I just got tired of that icky, somewhat nauseated feeling I would get after I realized that once again, someone was angry with me. I try very hard to watch what I type, and I apologize right away – even if I feel that my words were valid – because I’d just rather keep the peace. Do I like everyone I’ve “met” online? No, but that doesn’t give me the right to just unleash it whenever I read one word I don’t like. All of that doesn’t stop me from getting the sick, uneasy feeling when I read horrible things being said about my friends or people I know.
Today I read a sentence that really resonated with me: This band brings out the worst in people. I have to say that unfortunately, I’ve seen some pretty ridiculous behavior over the years. Much of it has been in the presence of the band, or on their message boards as a result of something the band has announced, or even as the result of a contest, VIP ticket sale or even a GA show where there was a fight to get to the front of the stage. It’s true, Duranies tend to completely forget who they are, where they come from, or who they want to be perceived to be when it comes to the band. With that in mind, I have to wonder, is it really the band that brings out the worst in fans; or is it just that some fans really don’t know how to behave?
I have a lot of friends in the community, many of whom I have seen in the most exciting of circumstances where members of the band have been right in front of us – and yet there was no pushing, shoving or screaming going on. The very first time I did a VIP show was in Chicago, 2005. One of the people in our group won the meet and greet lottery for that show. She had to choose just one of us to go backstage with her and meet the band. It was very exciting for her, and she made her choice. To the best of my knowledge, none of us EVER commented poorly about her choice, complained that we weren’t chosen, or did anything but get very excited for their good fortune. I’ve seen far less competitive situations start huge arguments on message boards – and people don’t seem to have trouble unleashing the beast within.
My point here isn’t really to get preachy – I hate arguing, others don’t mind it, and it’s up to me to know when to walk away, which I’ve done when necessary. What about you? Do you really believe it’s the band that brings out the worst in us? Discuss!
No I do NOT think the band brings out the worst in us. It is absoluely people who do not behave as adults. I can't imagine fighting and acting like an idiot in front of the band or on the message boards. That is not an image I would want to project to the band at all.. in person or online. That kind of thing has to be very annoying to them.
Amanda
I am new to the community and I have to say everyone has been very welcoming. In other online communities I have been a part of I have seen similar behavior, could it be the anonymity that being online brings? Something sort of like road rage, your true personality comes out behind the wheel because no one knows your name. Just a thought.
@Amanda-I like to think it is individuals who just act badly but it still sucks that they seem to group together in fandom.
@Rebecca-I'm so glad that you have been welcomed! Obviously, we had some good experiences in the community, too. We, in no way, are trying to say that it is all bad. 🙂
-A
It was said to me, many moons ago, that the Duran Duran fandom was one of the most elitist fandoms out there. And while I made a lot of new friends on different forums, there's always been a core of people who love to play the “I'm a bigger and better fan than you” card. I think that's one of the reasons why DDM is going down the drain at the moment. 🙁
You are right. It is just individuals. At every show I meet awesome, fun people who are just delighted to be in the presence of Duran Duran. It is great to talk with and enjoy the show with these folks. There is usually just an incredible vibe. Sorry for the previous rant. I am just fed up on many levels (including other situations) with people not acting their age!
Amanda
I definitely don't think that everything about the fan community is bad – I hope that didn't come across in my writing because that would be a completely unfair assessment. I've made some very wonderful friends through being a fan, but I've also been both a witness and a target of some ridiculous drama that has unfolded, both in person as well as online.
I think it's ignorant (at best) to say that it's “just the way it is”. It doesn't HAVE to be. People don't have to CHOOSE to be rude, or look for the drama. I have plenty of friends who actively choose to avoid it every single day. I think I'm basically sick to death of the high school popularity contests that seem to take place though, and as such – I've decided those aren't places (online, in person) that I care to hang out. Simple as that.
I can't comment on whether this fandom is really any more elitist than any other, purely because this is the only one I'm really involved in. What I *can* say though is that we all choose how to behave, how to come across online, and what words we speak to one another, no matter what type of fan community we're involved in, who our friends are, and what we're like as individuals. To somehow blame the band, the community or even the fact that many of us are female and that somehow gives us the right to be b*tchy without apology….seems just a little bit too convenient. – R