I don’t need no stinkin’ 12-step!

I ran across an article today that I should have found and shared about a year ago when I was in the midst of a real life Post Concert Depression. The article describes the very-unscientifically-founded yet incredibly real  Nine Phases of Post-Concert Depression.  I read the article and found myself nodding along with much of the description…but, rather oddly, I also found myself saying “Hey, I still feel that way. Hey, I still do that!”

We won’t spend much time contemplating whether or not such behavior is normal. As I’ve noted many times before: I am a 42 year old woman with three kids and very precious little time on her hands. I write a blog. Daily. About being a fan of a rock band that I have loved since I was 11 years old. “Normal” went out the window a long, long time ago, didn’t it?

I highly doubt I’m alone. (No really, I’m not alone….right??)  Maybe our grieving process is just incredibly long?  Maybe it’s just that we really like going to concerts! Maybe it’s really just that it’s been far too long since we’ve seen the band (I’m going with that one). I mean, let’s face it, we are the type of people who, in our down time, plan a convention just to fill in the gaps between tours.  Crazy? Absolutely. Fun? Definitely.

So I challenged myself to find the phase in which I’m still floundering about…because, well…clearly, I’m still trying to figure it all out. *coughs* The article names them: Euphoria, Reflection, Realization, Reality, Feeling Outcasted, Stalking, Lack of Impulse Control, Acceptance, and Living. I think each phase is probably pretty self-explanatory, but I’ll share my thoughts as I wandered through the descriptions of each phase.

The Euphoria stage happens at the show for me, and I think for most – unless you stand there in a complete trance, not quite sure of what is going on around you until you realize it AFTER they leave the stage…which then becomes your Afterglow. Hey, it happens.  Sometimes you’re standing there in such denial that your brain can’t comprehend what it’s hearing and seeing until later. I’m definitely not still in that stage, so this can be considered ‘progress’. Go me!

Reflection is what I tend to do the day after a show. Invariably for me it seems to take place while driving. To another show in another state. Can you imagine the discussions that Amanda and I have on those drives?!? No, no you can’t. It’s a good thing we don’t ever record them… Listen – it keeps us awake and going. So no, I’m not still in reflection, although sometimes I will allow my brain to go back to Durham, North Carolina in 2012.  Especially a moment during White Lines. Just for fun. 😉

Realization happens when I’m back at home. I’ll be reading the boards, working on the blog, and then all the sudden it hits me that it’s going to be one hell of a long while before I see the band again.  And even when/if I do…will I ever have as good of a show as _______?  Some shows are just special like that, and you can’t really reenact the experience.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve learned that I almost have to wipe the slate clean and start over for every single show. I can’t think about what happened at the last one, because if I do – I’m missing out on THIS one.

Reality. Hmm. That’s so boring, isn’t it?  Real life. Sure, it’s comfortable and yes, I suppose it’s a necessity, but it’s also what I’m trying to escape when I go on these road trips with Amanda!  As for “returning” to reality, well…I write a blog. I think that’s how I manage. It’s one thing I love about my few moments of escapism each day – I write a blog, I remember what it’s like to be a fan, and I savor it. Sometimes being a fan isn’t very easy. Sometimes reading comments from other fans makes it downright difficult. It’s not simple to manage and balance Daily Duranie with say, hometeaching and volunteering in the classroom of my youngest, but I try. Then I wish and daydream about the next time I get together with friends to have a good time…which for me is coming VERY soon at Durandemonium!  So I suppose I live a good portion of my time here in reality. You?

Feeling outcasted is what I feel most days, especially the days where I am sitting at a PTA meeting at the elementary school and I look around at all of these other moms who are perfectly content to be the soccer mom, room mom for their kids classes (I’ve done that job. It’s thankless.), Girl Scout leader (ditto) and have not a single second left for themselves.  I’m the one wearing the Duran Duran t-shirt (oh yes – I actually wear mine these days – something it took me YEARS to be OK doing at the kids school, but somehow being over 40 made me realize that I honestly do not care one stitch about what other people think of me. They don’t know me!), or the one wearing combat boots…and I do mean combat. Mine have spikes on the back for those extra special GA shows. I am not like the other moms around here, and you know what? I don’t care. I’m really happy just being me.

So phase six is stalking. I’m going to be flat out honest with you, dear reader(s). I’ve talked about this some over the past several months, you all have your own definition of what stalking is, and I know what I think it is and how it applies – and our definitions could very well be oceans apart. However, in this situation – stalking doesn’t just refer to stalking the band. Oh no. It means searching for photos, information, news, anything you can get your sweaty little fingers on. (Ok, I *so* wanted to use the line “google dirty fingers” right there ….which automatically means this entire article completely applies, doesn’t it??) Anything you can get to even partially relive the experience of being in front of them…So I’m just gonna leave it at that. If you’re in this phase, and hey – maybe we all are – that’s fine. Go you!!

Lack of impulse control. *blinks* I have no idea what this could possibly mean. Is this article actually saying that people genuinely think twice before booking another trip to the UK after having already gone and been completely denied of shows once in the same year? Does this mean that most people only go to a show…maybe two…and they don’t travel across the country to see the band more than they see them in their home state? Where is the fun in THAT?!? And…if that’s post-concert depression, I’ve been living in this phase for about 10 years now. Yes, I’m addicted. How is that a problem?? Rock on, friends. Rock on.

Acceptance. The only thing this stage seems to be good for is accepting that yes, it is perfectly normal and acceptable to go to the UK twice in a year. It’s perfectly fine to ignore the shows that are happening in California only to fly across the country to see the band in the southeastern US simply because you’ve never been there to see them before. I already said I was addicted!!

Living. This, my friends – is what we do. We live. We live for the day the band goes on tour again.  We live for new music. We try to find things to do in the interim. I’ve found a new band to follow (which so happens to be a DD tribute band, but why worry over the details?), I’ve planned a convention (for Duran Duran fans, no less..) I’m living. I’m breathing. I’m even working. I’m dreaming of future concerts and thinking of places I can go to see them again.

I miss that stupid band.  😀

-R