Is it enough?

Hi everyone!  I hope you all had a lovely week.  I’ve been on vacation with my family for the past week, during which I missed all sorts of exciting things like presales, complaints of ticket cost, venues, lack of venues….you know, all the same things that happen whenever a tour is announced!   Conversely, my week was spent camping in a trailer on a lake up in the Sierra’s near Mt. Shasta – and believe it or not, I loved it!  I had almost no internet connection, my cell reception was touchy, but I did send and receive texts fairly well.  (my husband is going to LOVE our cell bill this month!)  I spent my days floating in an inner tube on a lake, exploring the Mt. Shasta caverns and enjoying the peace and quiet that cannot possibly be found here in Southern California where I live.  I was able to contemplate to my hearts content over the impossibilities of the world, enjoy some much needed family time, and think realistically about the months ahead.  While we were gone, much happened in the world.  The stock market thought it had become a roller coaster, chaos broke out in London, a ridiculous beginning presidential “poll” took place….and the list goes on, all of which providing the opportunity for discussion between my husband and I regarding finances.  (Depending upon your point of view here you should either be hearing the tune from Twilight Zone or something akin to chords that would indicate Doomsday in your head)

It was brought to my attention that during this past year, I’ve spent “quite a large sum of money” on a certain band that probably doesn’t need to be named.  (hint: the name of the blog is the Daily Duranie)  I’m not exactly sure how it was assumed that this fact passed me by – but I digress.  The reality is, this has been an expensive year, and now that they’ve once again resumed announcing concert dates, I may have quite possibly bought more tickets to shows that are local to my general area.  (that means that I do not currently have tickets in hand to attend any shows that I would need to board a plane to attend)   The question “is this really necessary” was indeed posed, and the fact is – I’m not sure I can even answer.  Truth be told, had the UK shows gone off in May as intended, my agreement with my husband was that I would be satisfied with those shows, and I really felt that while yes – I’d still love to to go to more – the responsible side of me (which is indeed MUCH smaller than the wild, irresponsible side that loves Duran Duran concerts) knew that I would need to curtail such activity.  The trouble of course is that those shows in May did not take place.  I instead found myself in London, staring into a very VERY large ice cream sundae at Marks and Spencer.  I came back home realizing that my dream, my ultimate fantasy, was not yet realized, and I wasn’t going to give up.  I think some of my first words off of the plane as I walked towards my husband and children were “There is NO way I’m missing out on the rescheduled shows when they announce them”, an odd sort of greeting, I know.   When the shows were rescheduled and announced, Amanda and I sorted the shows, understanding that our time was extremely limited and that we’d have to get the most “bang for our buck”, so to speak.  So, tickets were bought, and tickets were sold.  We’ve now got a plan that puts us, no joke at all, in the same basic seats for each of the three shows were now planning to attend in December.  That means that Simon and/or Dom, (any of them if they care to look in our direction) will see us in the 3rd or 4th row right in front of them in Brighton, Bournemouth and Birmingham.  It’s a little bizarre to be sitting in the same basic place for all of the shows, and no, we didn’t plan it that way, but our lives are indeed odd that way!   Then of course, the US dates were announced just before I left on vacation.  Presales happened last week, and once again – I bought more tickets.  This time, I have tickets to two shows: Nokia Theater, and Valley Center.   I think at this point, my husband truly believes there’s a problem.  He doesn’t quite understand this necessity I have to see more.  He asked me if this was really necessary, and then he asked me if it would ever be enough.

Honestly in my opinion he’d have a better chance of getting a real and completely truthful answer out of me if he’d asked me what my theories were regarding world peace.  Those two questions are nearly impossible for me to answer.  I suppose the truth is that no, the shows are never necessary.  I’m certainly not going to die if I miss a show.  I went many, many years without going to shows because I couldn’t afford them, and circumstances didn’t allow me to attend.  I don’t really have a real, paying job that requires my attendance at the shows, and I definitely don’t get paid for being there.  Or not being there, for that matter!  That said, the shows make me happy.  I do feel as though going to shows is a sort of escape and it’s the one thing that I do that is for me.  On the other hand though, I think it’s very important to note that seeing the band is not the only thing in the world that makes me happy.  It’s one of many.  So, are the shows necessary?  Probably not.   I’m a mom.  I know that when I chose to become a mom, I agreed to put the wants and needs of three others before my own, and I do that on a very regular basis.  Most of the time I can do this without even thinking, but there are times – specifically when things come up that conflict or interfere with what’s going on here at home, that I will have a fleeting feeling of unfairness wash over me.  Then I move on, because that’s what has to be done.  Are the shows necessary?  No.

The second question is more difficult to answer, mainly because I really don’t know the answer.  Will it ever be enough?  Will there ever be a moment where I know I’m done.   Will I get to a point where I’ve seen and experienced all that I want to see?  I don’t know.  All I do know here is that I have had friends who died before they ever experienced even HALF of what they wanted to experience I’m sure, and yet I’ll bet in their dying moment they didn’t sit back and ponder “Gosh, maybe I shouldn’t have gone to that last concert!”  My own father was  infamous for saying “Someday I’d like to __________, once I’ve got that __________ bill paid”  Funny.  That moment never came for him.  I highly doubt that as he lay in that hospital bed, sedated beyond measure, that the thought came to him that he shouldn’t have taken that Mexican cruise with all of us just 3 years prior.  I know he and my mom were still paying for that up until the day he passed away.  No, I really doubt he was thinking that.  More likely he was thinking about how he should have done more when he had the chance.  I suppose one could take the other point of view – I have friends who have decided they’re done with Duran Duran.  They’ve gotten sick of them, they openly compare the band to whatever other band is touring at the time, they talk about how much better X band treats fans, etc. etc.  I guess in those cases, they’ve had enough.  The trouble is, I don’t know that someone ever knows they’ve had enough until they’ve already gotten past that point.  I really don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at my husband and say with all certainty and seriousness that “this is my last show”, at least not until I’ve gone to that show and felt as though I was done.   Is it ever going to be enough?   I don’t know.

Here’s what I do know:  next week, my son will have braces put on.  That’s going to cost some money.  My little one will be in preschool three mornings a week for the next school year which begins in September.  My oldest has school tuition coming due that has gone up quite a bit from last year, and she has another production starting soon that will have to be paid for if I can squeeze the extra cost out of my budget.  In less than four years, my oldest will be applying to college, and along with that expense comes the visits to colleges she’s interested in, and all of the glory that goes along with being a senior in high school.  Oh and yes, there’s the little joy of enrolling in drivers ed, getting a drivers license and earning a car.  As you all know, the requests for money just do not stop.   I know that if I don’t do any of this now, I probably won’t have the chance again.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my friends and my dad who have now passed on, it’s that you shouldn’t wait.

Balance and how to make it work.  There should be a class!  -R