“Mid-life Crisis”
I don’t really even know what that means. When I think of that phrase, the image that fills my head is one of a balding man speeding down the road in a convertible Corvette. I remember going to dance clubs when I was in my early 20’s. My friends and I would be out dancing on the floor, and occasionally one of us would be approached by what we would consider to be an older man, hoping that we’d agree to dance. I often wonder if those men were really that old, or if it was just that I was that young. My friends and I would scoff at the idea of some old guy hanging out at a club, hoping to get the attention of a young girl. Naturally we’d laugh and swear we’d never be continuing to hang out at clubs when we’re that age! (whatever age that was…and the lesson there is “FAMOUS LAST WORDS”!!)
When I was really young, I am sure I must have been around ten or so, my grandmother used to come and stay with us for the summer. My parents both worked and felt my younger sister and I were far too young to be at home alone for an entire day. This meant sharing my room with my grandmother for the entire summer. Oddly, she was not a big Duran Duran fan, and I can remember her constantly telling me that she wished I’d take down my posters because she always felt like they were watching her! (Oh, my poor grandmother!) I’d watch her in the mornings when she’d get up, and it always seemed to take her three times as long to put on her clothes as it did me. When she would finish, she’d always turn to me and say a single sentence that has been burned into my head for all eternity.
“Don’t ever get old, Rhonda Lynn. It’s hell.”
Who could ever blame me for wishing to avoid the whole aging thing?? I had it on decent authority that it wasn’t something I’d enjoy!! When I think back on those days now, it seems so funny that my grandmother always seemed old to me, yet she only died about ten years ago at the age of 86. I really hope that I’m more active than my mom or my grandmother in my later years – I want to be able to say I really LIVED every ounce out of my life that’s possible. I’m sure both of them feel as though they got plenty out of life – and my mom is still alive and kicking. She’s had a brand new beginning to her life, brought on by my father’s death nearly four years ago. I’m proud to see her going and experiencing new things, even if it’s with a new “friend”.
I think things must be different for my generation than they were for my mothers generation. She never went out with friends while I was growing up. There were no concerts or girls nights out for her. I never heard her talk much about music, and I know she never really went anywhere without my dad. She really thinks it’s strange that I have this incessant need to have my own interests, friends and experiences because she never felt that way when my dad was alive. In comparison, I live for those moments! I cringe when I hear the word “cougar”, or when TV shows make fun of people my age going out, as though once you turn the age of 30, you’re supposed to settle down, never to have fun again. It’s even worse when the words “mid-life crisis” are thrown around, as if to explain our behavior. Trust me, this is no “mid-life crisis”.
Yes it really is true, I still enjoy going to concerts. I love getting together with friends for the weekend over music, friendship and the occasional martini. (make mine extra dirty!) When I was younger, Friday nights were spent not sleeping, but staying up to watch late night videos, listening to records and fantasizing about what eyeliner Nick Rhodes used. My friends and I would get excited over whatever band was coming on tour, and while most of the time I had to stand back and watch as my friends would get tickets to the shows – that never did stop my excitement at the prospect! We’d call one another over the newest songs we’d hear on the radio, we’d try to one-up ourselves over who had the best Duran Duran pictures, the latest news, the “closest encounters” (I’d typically lose that one…funny how that still holds true!), and the best information. These things really haven’t changed, although admittedly most of my normal Friday night activities don’t typically include having a girl-talk session with my husband about makeup. In my opinion, a mid-life crisis is all about capturing whatever youth you’ve got left. I’ve never let my youth go to begin with, so there’s nothing to capture – it’s still here!
Is this – my Duran Duran fandom and everything that has gone along with it – really a mid-life crisis? I doubt it, otherwise I started suffering from it when I was ten years old. My life, and the enjoyment I get out of living, is what keeps me young. My feeling is that when life stops being fun, I’ll be ready to exit this great planet of ours for whatever Duranie retirement home “in the sky” is next.
Pity those who dare call it a mid-life crisis, for they’ve already stopped living. -R
I love every single word of this, Rhonda.
Interesting. My friend Suzi Parker did a story just like this. It was published in The Chrisitan Science Monitor. Its on the DD website even. Lots of duranie sisters in the article.
Thank you. I know I can't speak for everyone…I just try to put my own thoughts and experiences out there, and hopefully someone out there finds some nugget of their own truth in what I'm saying that they can hold onto. Sometimes I hit, and other times I miss! Thanks again! -R
Yeah, i think it's accurate. A journalist did a story on this very topic in July of last year. http://womensvoicesforchange.org/gen-x-women-hungry-like-the-wolf-video.htm
I think it's pretty fair to say that although I respect her viewpoint – I don't necessarily agree. What I truly find interesting more than anything else though is that much of the very same stigmas that go along with feminine fandom are being discussed with regard to this “mid life crisis”. I'll be interested to see what my Daily Duranie counterpart Amanda has to say. -R
I loved this everything about this article too. I alsoalways have these thoughts. Its not a mid-life crisis; it's about making the most of your time here while you still can, and doing things that make you happy. For us it's DD.
ps. I also drink my martinis extra dirty(and sometimes dirty/spicy:)
Thanks Lori! Dirty/spicy martinis?!? Oh boy…are we really talking about drinks here??? 😀 😀 -R
First, let me comment on your comment, anonymous, and then, I'll dive into the article some. Mid-life crisis. Two words. First word is mid-life. For many of us, fandom has been a part of us for years, for decades. Perhaps, we are now in the “mid-life” part of our lives now, but that still doesn't mean it is accurate for us. For many of us, a better first word might be “lifelong”. Second word is crisis. According to freedictionary.com is, “An unstable condition, as in political, social, or economic affairs, involving an impending abrupt or decisive change.” If this is something we have been a part of for most of our lives, I don't think the abrupt change fits. The more bothersome part of the definition is “unstable condition”. This implies that we are in some sort of unhealthy state. I absolutely disagree with this idea. Fandom is NORMAL and COMMON! Goodness knows, millions of people watched the Superbowl and football fans have fandom, too. Millions of people turn into their favorite TV shows week after week after week because they are FANS! Most of those TV or sports fans manage to lead healthy, responsible lives, which is as far away from unstable as one can get. This leads me to the article itself. While I think the best of intentions existed in interviewing fans and in writing that article, there are many elements that concern me. The article explicitly states that fandom is about “embracing our inner Peter Pans” and that “We just won't grow up.” This feeds right into a very common stereotype about fandom–that it is immature, childlike. I, obviously, wholeheartedly disagree. Fandom is about making social connections due to a common interest that has created a passion. This stereotype, in turn, creates a stigma about fans, especially female fans, in that we are emotionally immature and will act foolishly because of it. It is so demeaning as the assumption here isn't that women are mature, intellectual people who have the right to have interests and pursue them. Why does it bother people so much for women to be involved in fandom? Is it because they are stepping out of the expected patterns of behavior for adult women, which include only living for one's family? To me, it is the complete opposite of “unstable”, it is healthy to be have interests. IMO, if the author wanted to really celebrate Duranies and fandom, she should have shown that Duranies are intelligent, mature women who have this interest that makes them happy without it seeming as a silly phase. For many of us, it is part of our lives along with our responsibilities of work and family. She could have and should have shown that.
-A
hahaha. yes, i swear, you put jalapeno juice along with the olive juice. SO delicious!Maybe we can have one together at the dd uk convention! I'll bring the jalapenos:):)
As I sit here in bed with my iPod dock on the nightstand playing lullaby versions of Duran Duran tunes while my newborn sleeps a few feet away from me, I find myself drawn to this website to see what other Duranies like me are talking about. Twitter is cool, but with only 140 characters to work with, this blog is much more my speed.
Those who label our fandom as a mid-life crisis insult our intelligence. Are there some who take it too far? Probably. But the vast majority of Duran Duran fans are stable and more importantly HAPPY.
The accepted definition of “mid-life crisis” is “…describes a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some individuals in the middle age of life, as a result of sensing the passing of their own youth and the imminence of their old age.”
Does that sound like any of us? Not to me. From what I've read above, it's the opposite! Most of us seem to be celebrating life by enjoying the things we love – for us that's Duran Duran. But I'm willing to bet it's not JUST Duran Duran. The band is just a part of what makes us happy. I don't have to tell you that for me it's my precious new baby and my incredible husband; it's being in a position to be able to help others, read, write… Duran Duran is an important part of what makes me me, but it's not a crisis. That is ludicrous.
When it becomes a problem is when it overtakes everything in your life. When you're spending the mortgage payment or the grocery budget on Duran Duran. When you're so out of touch with reality that you think Simon, John, Nick or Roger will marry you and you'll live happily ever after in a Duran-a-topia. I don't think any of us here need to hear the line, “where's the real life in your delusion” – we are all very much aware of reality.
I haven't transported back to my teenage years and I don't want to. I'm enjoying Duran Duran as an adult. A 2012 adult who isn't afraid to enjoy herself at a show. I feel sorry for people who are too worried about what others think to embrace whatever it is they enjoy, or feel they have to make excuses. Bah humbug.
And now I must feed the peanut. 🙂 there's something I never thought I would ever say!
I will GLADLY try one…that sounds amazing!!! It's a deal – find me at the convention! 😀 -R
I'm pretty sure there are some people I know who really are waiting for a proposal from a band member…but hey, dreams are free…and I'm really not going to get in their way. ;D
I knew you'd vanished for a few days, and I figured the baby must have decided it was time to celebrate life on the outside!! 😉 Congratulations -and I have to say, you sound REMARKABLY calm and settled for a brand new mom. I hope you're enjoying the first days of motherhood along with having your husband home! 😉
-R
Yep, that's pretty much what I was expecting you'd say. After doing what – two years of research on fandom thus far, I must agree. I know the article was written with the best intentions, but I just can't get on board completely. -R
I am SO glad you write this one up, I have felt this way since the same age and I have always been ridiculed for how I live my life and the things I'm interested in and the things I do, etc. You hit the nail on the head!! I am going to share this so these stuffy judgemental people can read it and realize there is nothing wrong with me!! THANK YOU FOR THIS!!
Nah it can't be a midlife crisis, since it started when you were a young girl. 🙂 It just means you've continued to be young at heart and want to not only continue to enjoy the things you used to enjoy but to find new things to enjoy as well. IMO it's one of the best things about being someone who can be a fan-being able to be a fan of things I think helps keep people “young” because there is always something to look forward to, something to find and discover. 🙂
If being a Duran Duran fan is a symptom of a mid-life crisis, well then, I've seen a whole lot of women (and men) at shows who are apparently in the midst of one!
That's my way of saying that I do not consider being a Duran Duran fan at my age being a symptom of a mid-life crisis. Life doesn't stop once you hit the age of 40. Being a responsible, mature adult (which most of us presumably are) doesn't preclude you from having fun and letting your hair down every now and then. As someone else said, as long you can strike a healthy balance between fandom and the rest of your life (i.e., work, family, school, etc.) it's fine.
PS. I am going to see Ringo Starr when he comes out this way in June. I'd love to see anyone say that going to see the concernt of someone who is considered a legend of rock and roll is somehow a symptom of a “mid-life crisis”!
-Susan-
So far I've had it pretty easy! I feed the baby and sleep. The husband is doing everything else – diapers, keeping me fed, cleaning. He is a little ADD and being home this long is odd to him. The frenzy is right around the corner though. I've been having nightmares of forgetting the baby – forgetting to feed him, being unable to find him. Until I got married I never even had a pet and couldn't keep a plant alive. Now… I hide my fear well – that whole “never let them see you sweat” thing – but my mind is going a million miles an hour with “what if's.” Andrew came a little earlier than expected so I didn't get his first Duran Duran onesie made yet – but as soon as I do, I will share a photo.
Good for you, Betsi – take full advantage of his help, because the time will come when it'll be all on you. You're going to be fine though, I can promise you're not going to forget him or forget to feed him. I wouldn't go as far as to say it comes naturally, but for whatever reason, you just learn to change your life to fit him in! I still can't keep my plants alive, btw – but all 3 of my kids are pretty darn healthy! ;D
You'll be fine, and if you ever need help – you know where to find me! -R
I think that just learning in general helps to keep people young, and I spend a lot of my time doing just that (learning!).
What really amazed me about this blog was just how many people had something to say on the subject, as well as the kinds of comments we got on Facebook. Wow. Just writing this blog taught me a little something about fandom! Thanks for commenting! -R
I'm very glad that something I've written will be of some use to you, Shelly. It's always nice to know that I'm not the only one with these random thoughts flowing through my head! Thanks for commenting! -R
Life definitely does not stop when you hit 40. That is so true. I think I have more happen to me (or I make more things happen) now than I did when I was 20-something and in college, I swear! 😀
Balance and moderation. Not my favorite words, but very important ones to learn and put to use.
I would LOVE to see Ringo Starr. I've seen Paul a few times, but never Ringo. Outstanding! 🙂 -R
The fun part of seeing Ringo is he puts his All-Star Band together to play with him. The All-Star line up changes and they get to sing their hits too. One time we went to see him he had Sheila E on drums (he always has another drummer with him) and Thomas Dolby on keyboards. When we went two years ago, he had Edgar Winters in the lineup, as well as the lead singer/guitarist from the Romantics and the lead singer/guitarist from Mister Mister. Some of the older people in the crowd were a little clueless when they were up there, but for me who was on the younger side of the age spectrum, it dream set for a child of the 80s! He always puts on a fun show!
-Susan-