It’s Time

It’s time. Frankly, it has been time for quite awhile now. I’m obviously talking about this blog. It is time to let it go. Did you know that I haven’t written a blog post in over a year? Heck, I have been so quiet that probably no one will even read this post and even fewer will care. I won’t take that personally. It happens. People move on. In many ways, I have moved on.

It is funny. When I got up this morning, I thought I knew what I wanted to say here and, yet, I’m struggling to get anything down. I’m more sad than I thought I would be in deciding to officially end this. It is probably why I just let it sit there, gathering cobwebs rather than make a decision and act on it. (In case you didn’t know, I’m pretty indecisive especially when it comes to anything that might tug on my heart strings.) Why the emotionality? Why the mixed feelings? That seems silly when I haven’t done much but post on social media here and there as Daily Duranie.

Some truths haven’t changed. I still love Duran Duran. I still identify as a Duranie. I still pay attention to what the band does (and have opinions about them!). I still plan to go to shows. I still plan to buy unnecessary merch that I will likely complain about while forking over my cash. I still have friends in the community and check out people’s posts when they go to shows that I’m not at and more. That being said, I cannot deny that things are different now. I’m different. In many ways, I feel like the person who used to write the blog 3 times a week is not the same as the one typing this now. I’m not teaching anymore and instead work full-time in politics, trying to stop the current slide into authoritarianism. I spend more time trying to take care of myself since the diagnosis of a chronic illness. Since I lost my dad, I spend more time with my mom and my niece who lives in town now. I work hard at my friendships.

I also view fandom differently than I did back then, to some extent. Back then, the passion translated into an intensity with strong feelings. Sometimes, those strong feelings matched the mood of others but sometimes they didn’t. Perhaps, they even pushed people away. Now, I tend to focus on the joy and escape rather than the criticism. Don’t get me wrong – I still have opinions but would rather focus on the fact that the band keeps going.

I recently said to some friends that fandom is interesting in that it is deeply personal while also being communal. You can’t control your interests, how much you love something, how deeply you love something related to fandom. Often, a fandom comes when you need it most – whether it provides the distraction that is needed or gives joy where there is little or something else. When it works well, it brings you that needed escape, joy and friendship. My Duran fandom did all of that and more. While it brought such good times, it wasn’t all perfect and rosy. The fan community is not always friendly or kind. Friends don’t always live up to what you hoped they would be. Looking back, I might have approached some things differently. As a result, I might be in a different spot today. Hard to say. What I do know is that the social aspects of fandom, of this fandom, definitely impacted the personal feelings towards being a Duranie, leading me to take a step back from the community as a whole. It felt like it was the only way for me to keep the personal love for the band alive.

Now, I feel like I am in a pretty good place – loving the band still, loving my friends while allowing myself the space and time for other interests and maybe other fandoms. Maybe someday, I will want to bring back more of the social aspects of my Duran fandom. Time will tell.

While this blog might be going away, I don’t know that I’ll totally get rid of all of the social media accounts. I’ll probably still be on facebook and twitter for, at least, awhile, but the other ones I’ll probably close up shop. My email is still active, too (dailyduranie at gmail dot com), if you ever need or want to get in touch with me. Feel free to reach out.

On that note, I thank anyone who gave time up to read, to comment, to be a part of this adventure, this journey. I’m grateful to all of you. I’m so appreciative of the experience and to everything I learned about myself and about fandom along the way. Someday, perhaps, I’ll do something with that.

Take care, everyone, and maybe I’ll see you at a show sometime!

-A