Lately, Amanda and I have not been feeling the Duranie love, and I think it’s safe to say that both she and I have had our resolve tested in ways we couldn’t have imagined. As I write, I am constantly reminded in one way or another of a tweet I read many months back – it was something about when you put yourself out there, you should expect to be scrutinized. I’m sure I’ve messed up the wording there, but the point is very clear.
We don’t write this blog so that everyone on the planet agrees with us. Over the years we’ve written, we’ve encouraged healthy discussion, and there have been moments where I think both of us have had our eyes opened to other sides of issues. While we might not have changed our overall opinion, we have certainly gained understanding, and I thank our readers and commenters for that opportunity. There is no way we could ever expect everyone to see our points, or to agree with us – and make no mistake, when we write the blog, we write with the expectation that at least one person out there will agree, and at least one person (and likely five) will disagree.
The only thing we’ve ever asked of our commenters is that they actually read the blog before commenting, and that when they comment, that they do it respectfully. There’s no point otherwise, because open hostility does nothing productive whatsoever. We are not the personal whipping girls of the fan community, however our readers may see us. I recognize that many believe that if we blog, we’re opening ourselves up for this sort of thing. Opening ourselves up for discussion is a lot different than allowing people to simply be rude, condescending and hostile. This is a fan community for a BAND, and on that end, this is supposed to be fun to some extent. Right now, it is not.
Recently, someone asked, rather unkindly and condescendingly about our credentials. So, let me explain once again. Amanda and I both have degrees in the social science field. We are writing a book…actually, we have pretty much finished our first manuscript and are now working on a book proposal. The book we are working on is all about fan communities. It is written from a primarily academic point of view, working behind the “lens” (so to speak) of social science. That means examining how groups of people interact, create cultures of their own and even how they affect the greater population. We don’t just talk about what a fan community is, but why fan communities exist and more importantly – why they thrive. We utilize this blog for a fair amount of our research, and I think Amanda would agree that part of the thesis behind our manuscript truly came from writing this blog. I think it’s also important to note that while the blog is written pretty casually (some of us are WAY casual – I write the blog the way I would probably talk to my friends), the book is not written like this at all. It’s formally written, but we try and interject personal stories and thoughts throughout the book so that it has a personal edge and not just academic jargon. How is it that we can assert some of the theories and ideas we have in the past few years here? Are we qualified to do that? Yes, with research, and LOTS of it, but I think that will become very clear when the book is released. Let me make this clear: we’re not trying to fix anyone (least of all ourselves), but we ARE trying to understand how or why we as a group act and react the way we do. When we ask questions hoping for discussion – this is why we do it. If that offends you, there is a simple answer: don’t read.
One of the next projects that I am already doing research for is on the ideals of celebrity and stalking. Don’t be surprised when there are blogs on that subject, and if you see yourself in what I’m writing – take heed that I am no psychotherapist. I don’t know what goes on in the heads of any of you, nor do I honestly care to figure it out. My only concern is finding out how the group feels about the subjects as a whole. What do we consider odd behavior, behavior that is over the line and so forth. Just so we are crystal clear: my blogs are not about any one person unless it’s about myself. There are qualities in all of us that are found in some of the scenarios I’ve read. We’re FANS. The line between crazy behavior and “normal” behavior is fuzzy at best – even in some of the most respected research that’s out there. To many writers out there, fandom itself is not normal – they explain it as a pathology! (the science or study of the origin or source of a disease)
I am never accusing anyone of inappropriate behavior because it is not my job to do so. However, I’m not going to stop talking about behaviors purely because somebody or several people is/are offended that I’d dare mention a specific thing that they do. I have no advice for those people other than to say that if you see yourself, maybe that’s an issue, and maybe not. Again, if you’re somehow offended, don’t read. It’s a very simple answer, and believe me – I won’t be offended.
What I do find curious, and at times downright amusing, is how quickly some are to assume I’m speaking of them. There are thousands of people in this fan community. Thousands. Amanda and I have literally met hundreds, and likely thousands of fans at this point ourselves. We have friends throughout the world, and thousands of readers on this blog as well. In the case of the research I’m currently doing, it’s not even for a book that is Duran Duran based. Why on earth would a few people just automatically assume I must mean them – out of the thousands of people we know and interact with on a daily basis?
Amanda and I have been writing for nearly three years now. When we first began the blog, we literally had no readers. We kept writing. Sometimes, someone would see something that would spark their interest, comment, and keep reading. So, when some tell me (and their friends) that Daily Duranie is unkind to fans and that they won’t read any longer – I think it’s fair to say that Amanda and I are not at all worried about that. We never started the blog hoping that it would become the most read blog in all of fandom. We started it to work on our writing. Period. Being Duran Duran fans is an easy and interesting topic for us to write about, and up until recently – we enjoyed our work.
I’m about to go on vacation, and I have to tell you all – it’s incredibly timely. I need time and space for myself. I’m not burned out on the writing. Not at all. I still love blogging each day. I’m excited to be working on a book proposal, explaining our research, giving examples of other books that might be similar to ours and showing how they are different. I love reading and researching new topics. I thrive in that place. What I do not enjoy or love at all though is defending myself as a fan, writer and person. The toughest part of writing about fandom is actually BEING a fan and having to defend that on a daily basis. To a certain extent, that is part of the job, and I’m well-aware of that. Please understand that we don’t expect people to agree with us all the time or for any of you to be our personal cheerleaders. We simply ask for some mutual respect. I know that Amanda and I are not the first this has happened to, and we won’t be the last. This fan community has the craziest way of burning people out and feeding on their own, but conversely it’s a place where I have met some wonderful people and have found my very best friends. That said, I won’t “leave” and I won’t quit blogging, because I refuse to let other people decide my destiny. As I read recently: I won’t let anyone take my bliss away.
I’m sorry this blog post is a downer. It’s not my goal here to have people comment back saying how wonderful we are, or to tell us to go to Hell. (you can certainly feel either way though!) For me, this blog is almost as much of a personal diary as it is a way for me to research fandom and celebrity. As I mentioned above, when I write here – I write as though I’m talking to my closest friends. There are days when the blog is about teaching. There are times when the blog is about celebrating. Other days, it’s about trying to find a general consensus. Today, I need you to sit down and understand where I’m coming from. It’s very easy for me to be angry about some of the more recent events that have taken place “blog-wise”, but it’s unproductive. So, as I write this blog – I’m cleansing myself a bit. I’m letting it go, and moving forward.
-R
There are always going to be haters–it's a sad fact of life. Drink some wine, and enjoy your vacation:):):)
Oh Rhonda, you know I have been feeling the same way. I have a blog ready for the weekend to address this while discussing an aspect of fandom. The point is simple. We study fandom with strong academic backgrounds. I'm certified to teach Sociology (the study of society, social institutions and social relationships), for crying out loud! On top of that, we have been a part of this fandom for a long time. We observe and think about every element to fandom, this fandom in particular. I won't ever apologize for that. As you said, I do welcome discussion. It helps me organize and to clarify my thinking, which I more than welcome. That said, it seems clear to me that there are some who are challenged by our observations, our questions, etc. I welcome those who are challenged, intellectually, but those who are challenged, emotionally, and respond by lashing out, I could do without. The academic part of me is still happy but the fan in me feels like it is dying a slow death. I want to have fun being a Duranie. I don't think that is too much to ask for.
-A
a well-deserved vent, Rhonda! I wasn't aware one needed to be “credentialed” to write a blog OR a book…..who knew? At least that person was kind enough to point that out for us all – I shall file that in my stuff-I-learn-when-a**hats-run-their-mouths file 😉
Keep doing what you're doing. I, for one, enjoy it immensely! Enjoy your vacation!
Sheli
Enjoy your vacation and keep walking on your track!
Thank you for always sharing great views and to me you are the best “fandom scientist” on Earth: I still wish our DDM VIP Community had someone in like you to be with us, to interact with us as you do…. (sorry x venting as well, ahem… LOL)
You're talking about me again, aren't you?
Just kidding. 🙂
yet another reason why people wander in and out of the community (note the specific word choice: community. not fandom): Durama. i know that within every fan community there are assholes. sometimes it just feels like “ours” are the worst.
you know i'll still be hanging around and reading your stuff no matter what. and you can talk about me as much as you like. 🙂
I don't think either of you have to prove anything as far as your book is concerned. Sheli says it best below here about being “credentialed” writing a book or a blog.
Maybe the folks who are being so thin skinned are seeing new aspects of their fandom that may not be so pretty. It could be things they have denied for years and continue to do so by wearing rose tinted glasses. They are taking out their anger & frustration in a non-constructive way by attacking Rhonda & Amanda.
I applaud both of you for a job well done with this blog and I can't wait to read the book. Don't let the haters get you down.
Lisa
“Today, I need you to sit down and understand where I'm coming from.”
I don't think you owe anyone an explanation, and shouldn't feel like you owe anyone an explanation. There will always be people who agree with you, and people who disagree with you. It's okay if people don't agree with your point of view. What's not okay is when someone who disagrees with what you have to say then turns it into a personal attack.
I think it's safe to say that most of us left our high school days behind a long time ago. Too bad some people (not you guys) feel the need to still act like they are still in high school versus by engaging in personal attacks rather than having a reasonable debate or offering a dissenting point of view like an adult. Don't ever apologize for what you do or having an opinion.
-Susan-
Is it coincidental that the longer there is minimal public band activity, the worse some fans behave…? Have a great holiday!
Unkind? Expressing yourself in a respectful way it to be unkind? People, DILATE YOUR MINDS.
You may agree with a point or not, but unkind is something else.
This is what heppens when “being a fan” becomes a 24/7 compulsive thing and some start believing all the band does and everything that is said by others regarding the band is about themselves.
The only “owners” of Duran Duran are Duran Duran. Why is it so hard for people to share? If you need a competition, enroll in some sports event or beauty contest.
Enjoy your vacation!
@EasternViolet here! I did write a thoughtful response this morning, but the internet ate it. Such is my fate. I've been reading some of posts in your back catalog and some of the anonymous snark is appalling. I don't know if this is the same person, but I think said comments are a cry for attention. I don't know how you come up with fresh content every day, but I LOVE how you ladies weave it in with your own life experience. DailyDuranie is about being fans… its not a DD site, and its never been a site that tries to define the boundaries of its fandom. I don't know why others wish to tear your efforts down? Its not constructive crit. It's just adolescent snark from someone who has nothing better to do with their time other than to try and make their little self feel better by tearing someone else's efforts down. End rant.
And with that said, Please enjoy your vacatioN!
-Heather
It's upsetting to hear that anyone would give you two a hard time about anything–disagree, fine! But don't act like you're fifteen. For those of us who have been fans since the old days, we're in our 40s and I know I'm not just speaking for myself when I say that life is too short.
You ladies do an amazing job of coming up with new content to distract us during the downtimes, and of stirring discussion when there are tour dates and set lists and new videos to talk about. We all love the same band–that should bring us together, whether we agree or not. It shouldn't be a reason to act like we're all in high school again.
R, I hope you enjoy the hell out of your vacation. Have several cocktails for me!
Karen,
I will. Have several cocktails, that is…and I'll even enjoy the vacation too. 😀 Thank you! -R
Thanks Heather! One more blogging day, another day to pack, and then I'm outta here! 🙂 -R
I definitely do not want to claim ownership of that band, or any band. They've got that one all on their own, thankyouverymuch. Too much responsibility, too much stress! 🙂
Dilate your mind – three words that I think describe what Amanda and I have been trying to do here the entire time. -R
It is hard not to feel as though we need to explain. I'm a pleaser, and I've always felt like I have to justify myself. That nugget in all of this is on me.
We love talking, and we both love to learn. I just think there's something wrong or at least headed in the wrong direction when I have to wince before opening blogger because I'm afraid of what comment I'm going to read next. That's not why we started this – and while I DO write blogs to sort of “stir up the pot” a bit, I'm not stirring for drama – I'm stirring for discussion and reaction – not the same thing at all. Maybe that's been misunderstood. -R
You are 100% right, although I still kind of feel like ours is pretty bad. LOL -R
Ha ha Teri!! *gasp* how did you KNOW!!?!? 😀 -R
You are so sweet for saying those things Manuela – but I'm really good with writing. I do wish the VIP community was better managed though. 🙂 -R
Your post made me laugh!!! Thank you!! -R
It isn't good when it stops being fun, is it Amanda? I need to get the fun back. I'll find it eventually, and so will you – even if it means taking a giant step back and reassessing where we are, and where we want to be. We're in this together, that is for sure!
Thank you Lisa, for everything. 🙂 -R
Thank you to everyone for your wonderful comments that I told you I was not looking for today. 😀
Every writer has their points of stress, every blog has their bit of drama…and being a fan is well…hard sometimes.
I need a vacation, and I'm going to get one – but first you've got one more day of me here. Yay for you!! God/The Universe only knows what I'm going to blog about tomorrow! LOL -R
That is the plan. I won't let it go without a fight. That said, it definitely helps that we are in this together.
-A
They may get a break from you but I'm still here! BWHAHAHAHA!
-A
I am so sorry that there are 40+yr old women who are still angry adolescent teenagers, and think that everything is about them, and refuse to grow up, and act like the mature adults that they should be. I know a few of my responses have not been of total agreement, and there is at least one that I do apologize for (A, I am sorry about the over protective parenting reply I posted), but for the most part I do try to post intelligent replies after I have read, and thought about what you two have written. I am bi-polar, and I know that I have a tendency to react to things emotionally, which is why I work so hard to try not to respond emotionally, but instead to reply intellectually. I do understand what you ladies are trying to do with this blog (research, and sharing of fandom), and I love what you are doing. This blog has been inspirational to me as both a fan, and as a student taking online college classes to eventually earn a Masters degree in Psychology. I have learned quite a bit about the band things that I previously was not aware of, as well as learning about the existence of other Duran Duran sites, and this blog has given me a chance to learn more about my fellow Duranies. So, I am glad to hear that you do not intend to let those fans who mentally seem to have never left high school, to get you down, or upset you to the point that you end this wonderful blog. R. you get em' tiger, don't let anyone make you feel bad, or doubt yourself, or the good things you, and A. are doing with this blog. Bless you both, and thank you….
Not agreeing with us on everything is not ever a problem. We encourage healthy debate and discussion because we believe there's all room for learning and middle ground – so we're glad you're comfortable enough to put your feelings out there whenever you can and feel like doing so! 🙂 -R
GOOD! glad I could make you smile 🙂 you wouldn't believe how big that file is, either 😉
Ohhhh….I really would believe it… 😀 -R
I missed this yesterday. Boredom breeds contempt. 😀 -R