To explain my laughter means going back and explaining me, which isn’t exactly an easy task OR light reading for a Wednesday morning, but I will try to entertain as best as I can.
As you all know, I’ve been a fan now for 30 years. I don’t know about the rest of you, but that seems like an incredibly long time to be a fan of any one particular thing. My parents and my friends all knew how much I loved Duran Duran as a kid – and aside from some pretty strict rules from my parents and some good natured kidding from my dad – my parents were fine with my little obsession. As I grew up, I am pretty sure my conversations centered around Duran Duran less and less, which for most people is probably natural. Of course we all know that it didn’t stay that way because here I am writing this blog. When I met my husband, it was back in 1992 (am I dating myself much?) and I was a junior in college. Duran Duran was sadly not the center of my universe at the time – in fact I didn’t think much about them at all. (although I did go to a concert that summer at what was then called Irvine Meadows Amphitheater!) So while I am sure that I must have mentioned that Duran Duran were among my favorite groups, especially growing up, I don’t think much was said beyond that. Walt and I both grew up in the 1970’s and 80’s – we’re only two years apart (he’s the older one thankyouverymuch), so our tastes are similar. He loves disco. I don’t. I love heavy metal & hair bands. Walt? Not even remotely close. We both love 80’s alternative though, which is where we tend to meet in the middle. In any case, as much as I was a Duranie back when I was a kid, and as much as I’m a Duranie now – when we met, it wasn’t an issue.
The trouble of course is that Walt and I are very different people. He is fairly conservative in nature – politics aside – and I’m really not. I *can* be conservative when needed, as in child rearing, but compared to Walt, I think I’m pretty carefree and almost bohemian. He would NEVER be OK It can sometimes be very tough to find middle ground, and for a while, Duran Duran was one of those issues. We’ve worked through tough times to arrive at a place where I can feel comfortable in letting him know that I am going to be flying back over to the UK for a Duran Duran convention next year. Oh wait, did I just say that?!?
ANYWAY….Where was I?
I want you all to know I’ve written, deleted and rewritten this blog about 5 times now. The truth is that when I think about it, as much as I’d like to lay the blame on someone else – it all comes down to me, doesn’t it?
I think that a part of me still feels as though being a fan isn’t accepted. I do get made fun of by friends from high school although it’s mainly in good nature. My mom is constantly telling me that its time to grow up (she doesn’t use those exact words), and my husband…well…he just wants to know how I’m going to turn this blog writing and touring thing into dollar signs since I spend so much time doing all of it. I know how strange it must sound to people that I spend a fair amount of time on Facebook and Twitter talking to other fans, writing blogs, writing a book…and of course giggling like a school girl at times over our favorite band member(s). I could say that any one of those things is enough for me to hide my inner Duranie, much less all of them, but the issue still comes down to me.
One would think that once I turned 40, I’d stop caring what other people think, and to some degree I suppose I do. I don’t care that fans make fun of Amanda and I for this blog because there are FAR more people that read it and love it than otherwise. On the other hand, I’ve always been a people pleaser and have been afraid to fail…or to even put myself out there so that there’s risk involved. I have always taken the “safe” route…and that includes getting married and having kids at a relatively young age for my generation. There are reasons that go back to very early childhood on that one…as I tell my kids “No one gets through childhood unscathed.” It’s true and we all have our baggage, don’t we? In my case, I have a difficult time showing people exactly who I am, which is why the fan community has been so incredibly helpful for me. I don’t think I’ve ever breathed quite the sigh of relief that I did when I went to the Duran Duran Fan convention in New Orleans back in 2004. I stood in a room with about 100 other people that were very much like me. That feeling was incredible, and while yes – the fan community has more than its fair share of back stabbing, negativity and overall nasty behavior – I haven’t forgotten what it felt like to finally feel welcomed, included, and just RIGHT. That’s what I want other people to feel, and that’s why I write the blog.
The funny thing is that when I talk about The Closet…I really mean THE CLOSET. I have a small “walk in” closet at home (I’m talking small as in I can go in, shut the door and turn around in a circle while standing in one place and reach everything), and its where I keep all of my Duran Duran things. I have posters up on the wall, all of their CD’s in one cupboard, the memorabilia in another…it’s all in there. Walt calls it the Duran Duran Vault. I think it’s very telling about how I am as a person because no one except all of you and the people that live with me know its there.
So to answer the question about my holiday letter, the answer is of course no, I never mention my Duranie exploits in there although I did briefly mention my UK trip with Amanda. Writing this blog has made me think long and hard about my closet though, and perhaps its time I learn to let people in. If they don’t like what they see, I suppose they can always leave – and if they do, chances are they were never worth my time anyway. I’ll work on it and let you know how it goes!
-R
