The term “Durantard” and Why I Don’t Think it’s Friendly

I would be wrong if I didn’t say that I hate pre-sales.  I really do.  The pressure is ridiculous and when things go wrong – they go really wrong.   I always disliked the way pre-sale went through DDM because we never knew what seats we were buying until they showed up here at the house.  It wasn’t really fair that way…but I suppose that if you want to play, you gotta play the way they say.  Last night (or very early this morning, depending on where you live), the pre-sales for the UK took place, and overall – we did well.  We have tickets to all 4 shows that we desired (Birmingham, Nottingham, Liverpool and even London), and in most cases we’re happy with the seats.  That’s not to say there wasn’t a lot of stress involved with the ticket purchasing – credit cards that should have worked were declined, and in London – the worst seats were being sold through pre-sale to all but the VIP packages.  but, we made it through and now the real planning begins, which is my favorite part of the touring process. (aside from the shows themselves, of course!)  During the upcoming weeks, we’ll be blogging about our plans, and if you have any UK traveling tips to share – please feel free.

Today however, I wanted to touch on a topic that I find one of these most distasteful things about being in the Duran fan community, and that’s the word ‘Durantard’.  I’m sure that most of our readers have either heard the term, or had it “assigned” to them on a board somewhere.   I’ve heard the term is meant in fun, and I’ve witnessed the term being thrown at someone to the point where they have left the community.  That’s really a shame.

Have you ever gone to a message board in exuberance over a new album you found at a record store, or a new poster that you managed to buy at an auction on eBay?  Have you ever posted a story about meeting the band at an album signing and talked about your emotional response to seeing them?  Have you ever screamed just a bit too loudly at a show, or worn your Duran Duran t-shirt at the wrong place at the wrong time?  Have you ever complained about the cost of tickets, or god forbid written a blog or book about the band? All of those things, and many…MANY more…will get you labeled ‘Durantard’.

First of all, if anyone wants to call me that – fine.  I don’t honestly care what anyone says about me behind my back because honestly, if you don’t have the nerve to say it to my face and be a party to my reaction – you’re a coward and I’ve got ZERO time for that.  You can’t really hurt someone when you say something about them and to them that they already know – and trust me – I know that I’m a big old dork.  If it makes other people feel better about themselves by pointing out the obvious in others…okay then.  This blog has nothing to do with my lack of love for this term being used to describe me…been there, done that, still don’t really care.

I guess that my problem with the word is that I spend a lot of time teaching my children that we don’t use words like that to describe other people.  I come down on them very hard when I hear them say that something is “gay” (that’s grounds for automatic punishment in our house) or “retarded”.  I tell them, “How do YOU know that one of your friends isn’t gay??”   Why do we want to use a term to describe someone’s sexual orientation as a derogatory comment?  As if being gay is a bad thing…and in our house…I teach my children that it is not EVER a bad thing.  The same goes for “retarded”.  First of all, my own son is on the autistic spectrum, although in his case – you’d never really know it.  He’s a bit quirky at times, but other than that, he’s your basic engineer-in-training.  (no really, I mean it.)  There are plenty of adults and kids on the spectrum that have spent their entire lives being called “retarded” when they are not…and there are still plenty of others in the world who are cognitively challenged that are being reduced to a single term as if that’s all it takes to describe who they are.   So why do we adults do it to one another?

I’ve had people say to me that it’s a friendly term.  Really?  I don’t see anything the least bit friendly about it.  It’s meant as a put-down, and not a very creative one at that.  I also think that the very people who use the term are the same ones to which it should probably be applied, because it’s the pot calling the kettle black, don’t you think?  It’s as though they’re afraid to see the same sort of over-the-top fandom in themselves, so the easiest defense mechanism to employ is one where they call attention to someone else’s behavior before someone calls it out in them.  Do unto others before they do unto you??

A lot of my friends have taken to shortening the term to ‘tard.  I myself have taken part in that, thinking that it sounded better.  I’m pretty sure I’ve even used it in this blog at one point or another.  I sat down and really thought about what I was saying, and was a bit ashamed of myself for doing so.  It’s no better, and in a lot of ways, it’s even worse.  I just don’t think any of us really stop to think about what we’re really saying when we use that term, and while I think we all should stop – I don’t think less of my friends for having called me a ‘tard at one time or another.  It’s only when we stop to consider the hurt we’re doing to others and yet still continue that I find fault.  Those of you in that category know who you are.

Granted, sometimes my friends and I will do something silly and call one another a dork or a geek.  That’s far more friendly than using an old-fashioned derogative term used to describe someones cognitive development in yet still another derogatory fashion.  We say it with a smile, and laugh at ourselves in the process.  Make no mistake, when I call Amanda a geek for putting together a tour binder complete with maps to every possible hotel, point of interest and bar in the area where we’re traveling (yes, she really does…and I look forward to seeing it in May!), I’m laughing at myself as well because if she hadn’t done one, I probably would have!  When I laugh at the idea of getting up at midnight to buy presale tickets, it’s because I know I’m going to be up with the best of them – and probably having some sort of conference to discuss strategy too.  (and I did.)  There’s a difference, and I hope that our readers understand where I’m coming from.

So yes, I’m saying that if you’re using “Durantard” – knock it off.  Grow up, grow a pair and get a little more creative.

-R (a gold certified proud dork)