Why Do We Only Feel the Pain?

Some days, I’m glad that I have this blog and get a chance to write and there are other days that I wish that Rhonda would write instead.  Then, there are days like today in which I feel both at the same time.  As I’m sure you have all heard about the horribly tragic and devastating school shooting that took place in Connecticut yesterday, part of me wants to write to explain how I’m feeling and the other part doesn’t want to write because I can’t offer any words of true comfort.  Like all of you, I cannot truly come to grips with what happened and why.  All of our hearts have broken at the news that small children and adults were killed in an act of horrible violence.  This event truly hit home for both Rhonda and myself.  She is a mom of three with her youngest turning five next year.  While I’m not a parent, I am a teacher and the proud aunt to two wonderful nieces.  We both look for answers and for comfort.  This afternoon, I found myself on the phone with both Rhonda and my sister.  We all sounded the same.  Hurt.  Confused.  Angry.  Scared.

At times like these, fandom seems so silly, so unimportant.  When I think of those families suffering the tremendous grief that comes from losing a loved one, especially an innocent, young loved one, I think about what is really important.  It isn’t that fandom or Duran Duran isn’t important.  It’s just that fandom is a luxury.  It is a luxury that we are able to enjoy because of the fact that we are safe and that our loved ones are safe.  Our minds and hearts are free to think about which Duran song we like best, what the next album should be like or how can we get Simon and/or John to tweet us.  Others right now are not so fortunate.  Yet, while fandom is not the most important thing in the world right now, it can and does offer comfort to many of us.  For example, when I deal with my grief, I find turning to a song like, “Do You Believe in Shame?” since it is a song that Simon wrote to deal with the loss of a dear friend of his, the loss of Alex Sadkin, their former producer, and Andy Warhol.  I include it below in case, you, too, would comfort by hearing and/or seeing the song:

 
Here is where I could offer some words of wisdom.  I could speak in platitudes and offer commonly uttered expressions about how time heals all wounds but I won’t.  Instead, like all of you, I will hug my loved ones who are close by, send my love to those who are not, and hope that we have to face something so horrific like this ever again.  I leave you with another Duran classic that gives me hope when I need it most.

-A

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By Daily Duranie

Once upon a time, there were two Duran Duran fans. One named Amanda, the other named Rhonda. Over many vodka tonics, they would laugh about the idea of one day writing a book about their fan experiences. While that manuscript is still being composed...Rhonda thought they should write a blog. (What was she THINKING?!) Lo and behold: The Daily Duranie was born.

2 comments

  1. I could not have written yesterday…as you know, not only do I have three kids, my middle child is on the autistic spectrum (he was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome when he was 8). From what we've been able to read, it sounds as though the shooter had very similar traits to my son. It scares me on any number of levels that I really can't talk about right now. My children were not even directly involved with what happened yesterday, but all I can think about are those poor babies who weren't much older than my youngest, and their parents. -R

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