Today I received a message on my personal facebook page (as opposed to the Daily Duranie facebook page – if you haven’t found us yet, please do – send us a friend request!) from someone who had read my 3 part blog about planning the Duran Duran Fan Convention. It reminded her of why she joined in on the message board to begin with and so forth. The note was very kind (thank you Michnoon!), and I really appreciated the time she took out of her day to write, as well as the words she typed. The fact is, the last week or so has not been easy for either of us here at Daily Duranie for very different reasons. It’s just been a crummy week, even though yes – I just got back from Napa with a trunk load of wine. (we all have our vices…and good wine happens to be my own!) In any case if I were being completely honest – Duran Duran has actually been in the backseat of our minds lately, and it was really, really nice to read something so kind. With the current political climate in much of the world, it’s easy to forget the small things, the things that make life enjoyable. My little place in the fan community (this doesn’t mean the “paid” community – it means the community in general. If I’m talking DDM, I will do my best to make sure to differentiate!) really does help to make me smile during the day at times. It’s a good thing.
I joined the fan community because I was desperate to make a connection, somewhere with someone – who had the same interest that I did. I wanted to find people that weren’t necessarily moms, that didn’t necessarily have husbands that traveled…or husbands at all for that matter. I wanted to find people who loved the band, that could understand my obsession behind watching New Moon On Monday to see absolutely every nuance of the “extra-long movie version”. I wanted to find people who knew all of the words to every one of their songs, and who knew what in the hell Simon was saying in Nightboat. I needed someone to send me the list to the easter eggs on the Greatest DVD, and I wanted to find someone who was willing to share their experiences in exchange for reading my own. What I didn’t expect and yet readily found was that I knew almost NOTHING about the band compared to other people! What my husband called obsessive behavior has nothing on what other people practice. When I first found a message board and joined the fan community I don’t even think I had all of their B-sides. There were songs out there that I hadn’t ever even heard, and at the time I didn’t even know what a bootleg was. (how is that for honesty?!) I’d never heard of Trust The Process, nor did I know that John Taylor had done more than one solo album or been in another band besides Power Station. I didn’t even know that Simon had recorded Magic Bus or Dreamboy. Yeah, I was a huge fan, but only in my own head. It was a very humbling experience, but I was a quick learner, and the key was that I tried VERY hard to stay quiet, learn fast, and never put myself out there for obvious flaming. (if you don’t know what flaming is – consider yourself lucky. It’s when you post on a message board, and everyone on the board – or at least a few key people, basically hand your arse back to you on a silver platter, slightly chewed up and burnt, so to speak.) Message boards can be tough places to learn to navigate, without question.
All of that aside, I also found fast friends. I found a place where I could be MYSELF. Not a mom, not a gemologist (in my case), not a wife…but a DD fan, or a Duranie if you so choose. I could get back in touch with the person I left behind a long, long time ago in favor of being the person everyone else wanted. It was a comfort to feel as though I belonged somewhere in the world. Is there drama? Of course. Life is full of drama and it’s never perfect. We can choose to walk away, or – as some like to do – we can choose to engage. It’s there for us to take as we wish. I miss the group of us who were together on duranduranfans.com – it was a good group, and while yes, there were definitely differences of opinion and drama at times, I know that we all tried to remember why we were really there. We wanted that support from one another, we wanted that connection and friendship, and for the lions share of the time that the board was busy – we wanted to talk about Duran Duran without judgement or ridicule. I learned PLENTY about the band during the time I was active on that board, and it was good.
That group has all but moved on now, and there are many times where I miss them. They were my online “family” and it’s hard to find other places where I’m that comfortable. Yes, at times it’s easy to just throw in the towel and say that you’re done. It’s easy to console yourself with the idea that your real friends will continue to stay in touch – and that you don’t need to talk about Duran Duran all the time, or that you don’t need the fan community to be a fan (of course not). I’ve said those same things myself, and I very much meant them. The trouble is – there’s definitely something missing from my own fandom when I don’t have the message board to rant about things to. Sure, I could post on the few message boards I still read occasionally, but those people don’t know me as well, they don’t recognize the sweet words of sarcasm from me, and they definitely don’t get my sense of humor. Facebook isn’t quite the same either, it’s a pain in the neck to make sure that only Duranies are reading whatever I’m posting (if my mother only knew….), and I find that I end up censoring myself far more than I really want. As for Twitter, well, you can only rant so much with 140 characters. Talk about creative debating….
I do miss the days when we’d wonder (even if we didn’t openly post) whether or not the band was reading the board. Come on, even if you didn’t post it – if you never really wondered I think you missed half of the silly fun. Nowadays, we know Simon, John and Roger are on Facebook, Twitter or both. Granted, I don’t think they have the time or energy to keep up with all of the replies and posting!
I know exactly why I got involved with the fan community, why I do the blog, why I’m writing the book, and why I will never completely leave the community. Some might say that I’ll leave my SENSES before I leave the community, but that’s another story for another blog. The real question is, why do YOU stay?
-R
