You Are the One That’s Been Left Behind

I hate this month.  Hate it.  I hate it every year.  I am sure that I’m not alone in my dislike.  What is the problem with this month?  Isn’t it obvious?  Winter is dragging on.  Winter break has come and gone and spring break seems so very, very far away.  I am begging and pleading for snow days.  Instead, I get a lot of slippery drives on icy roads in the semi-dark of early, cloudy mornings.  Joy.  My students are going a little stir crazy as they truly have cabin fever and don’t know how to expel their excess energy.  Meanwhile, I’m more and more drained of energy.  Any patience I have runs out quickly.  Not a good combination.  This particular February seems worse than normal.  I think part of that is because the last couple of years, February has been a big month in terms of my political activity.  Now, it isn’t that I don’t have things to do.  I do.  We are planning a convention, after all.  Plus, I have jobs to do for the blog and a book to work on.  Yet, I feel like I’m getting nothing done even when I do.  Even more problematic for me is that I feel distant.  I, especially, feel distant from the Duran universe.  What?!  How is that even possible?!

This isn’t anything super new for me.  I feel it periodically.  Usually, the reason I do is because I’m so super busy that I can’t pay attention to what is happening or what people are talking about.  At those times, I accept that I have to make choices even when I don’t want to.  That isn’t necessarily the problem right now.  I don’t think.  I think there are a variety of reasons why I’m feeling this separation.  First, Duran down time doesn’t help.  I’m sure a lot of other people are feeling this, too.  It is hard to deal when the band isn’t around.  Second, it has been awhile since I haven’t had anything concrete to look forward to in terms of Duran.  Yes, I know about TV Mania.  I’m intrigued by that side project but I wouldn’t say excited.  During the last couple of years, I had an album to look forward to and a ton of touring.  Then, even after that, I had John’s book.  Thus, it has been awhile for true Duran downtime!  I admit it!  I was spoiled.  We all were!  The last reason, though, feels very personal.  I swear that everything interesting in our fandom happens when I’m at work.

Let me explain why I think that everything happens while I’m work (even though it is probably just my illogical, crabby self).  Teaching is a job that requires me to have an early start to the day.  A VERY early start.  Then, I work through most of the day.  Of course, like everyone, after work is filled with errands, making dinner, etc.  This doesn’t leave me a ton of time to check into the world.  It is also not a job in which I can be online at work much, if at all.  In fact, I can be online about an hour at most, depending on what tasks need to be completed or what meetings I have.  I can’t be online when I’m actually instructing, which is a full 5 hours a day.  Can you see it now?  “Turn to page 42, kids.  Read the article and answer the questions on page 43.  I’m going to go check twitter.”  Yeah, that isn’t going to happen.  Forget about bad teaching.  The room would erupt in total chaos in under 2 minutes.  Not joking.  It probably sounds like I’m complaining.  I’m not, much.  I don’t mind, in many ways, being so busy at work as it makes the day go by quickly.  That said, when I do go online at work, I basically have a chance to deal with email and respond to people.  I can’t see what everyone else is talking about.  I can’t watch my twitter feed or my new stories on facebook.  Usually, I, then, skim those after work.  This means that I often miss much since I don’t read super carefully.  Maybe I’m doing something wrong.  Maybe there are tricks that I don’t know about that I should be implementing.  It just seems to me that I know what is happening when I’m able to really check in and watch every couple of hours or so.  It doesn’t need a ton of time but frequent is better.  At least, it feels that way to me when I’m on break and I can check that frequently.  Right now, though, it ain’t happening. 

Of course, I am able to be around in the evening.  Is everyone?  It doesn’t feel as such.  Certainly, my friends across the pond are already asleep by the time I’m on.  Then, it feels like there are a ton of people who aren’t around much at night.  Are they hanging with their families?  Maybe.  Are they working?  Possibly.  It really doesn’t matter why they aren’t around.  I can’t be mad or upset about this at all.  After all, they could be upset with me that I am not around much during the day.  They get it, though.  It isn’t a choice.  I get why they can’t be on, too.  I just want to feel a part of it, you know?  I don’t want to feel like I’m being left behind.  Am I the only one feeling this way or has ever felt this way?  What is worse is that more distant I feel, the less interested I am in it.  This is probably just me missing the band and me missing my friends.  I know it won’t be like this forever but right now…this winter is certainly marching on.

-A

Related posts:

  1. Taste the Summer (vacation coming!)
  2. Tour Date Detective
  3. Creating Balance

By Daily Duranie

Once upon a time, there were two Duran Duran fans. One named Amanda, the other named Rhonda. Over many vodka tonics, they would laugh about the idea of one day writing a book about their fan experiences. While that manuscript is still being composed...Rhonda thought they should write a blog. (What was she THINKING?!) Lo and behold: The Daily Duranie was born.

8 comments

  1. Our schedules are definitely opposing right now. I'm online, or at least have the ability to be online, pretty much all day. Night time though? Not so much. Lately it's been crazy because I make dinner for the family, and we eat around 7 because that's when my husband is supposed to be due home, then I rush to clean up, get the youngest into the bath and ready for bed – and then I have to go and get my oldest from rehearsal. There's been no downtime, no time for TV or anything until about 11, and by then I am exhausted.

    I miss everyone and I'm especially sad that I can't come and visit whenever I so choose these days, but I keep telling myself that eventually things will get better again, my schedule and budget will ease up, and then I can have fun for me. Until then, I just try to make the best of it. For me this isn't so much about the band, although I do miss seeing them and having fun at the shows – it's about not seeing anyone or staying in touch the way I might like. -R

  2. I kind of share some of your feelings, but I try to think positively, like that for example, time passes quickly, so although Duran time is a long one, in my “positive vision” the release date of their new music will arrive sooner.
    I try to create new things related to music, out of Duran, but always keeping my ears on their music.
    If you feel either lonely, or down, or bored, why don’t you stop by at the Roger’s World, on the DD Forum of the DDM, to read and leave a comment on my thread? I’m alone there; I’m posting lots of funny features dedicated to our drummer, aslo a Roger-style DailyDuranie answers….
    I’m about to celebrate 1000 views and would like to achieve the “1000” fast…
    Can't wait to read your book.

  4. Glad that you are excited to read the book! We hope others are as well!

    You are right. There are plenty of places online to go to feel more positive. I should take the time to go. It would probably make me feel better.

    -A

  5. Hi A, what sites do you like to keep track of? I ask this, because I have nothing but time on my hands, and would be more than glad to assist you in keeping up with the community. No one should feel cut off/left out of something they feel passionate about. If you like, let me know the name of the sites that I could check up on for you, and I will keep you posted by email. I make this offer out of gratitude for this wonderful blog, The Daily Duranie. You, and R have helped make me feel more connected to my fellow Duranies since I started reading your posts, and I would love to have a chance to give a little back to you in return. Thank you for your hard work, and the time you spend helping to bring all of us Duranies together. You are a blessing.

  6. You are SO unbelievably sweet to offer such a thing! It isn't so much particular sites that I try to keep track of as much as the pulse of the fan community as a whole. What are people talking about? What is the mood of the fans? That sort of thing. That said, if you find something newsworthy or do see an interesting discussion taking place, please email! Thanks!

    -A

  7. You are most welcome A. If you would, could you suggest a few sites for me to keep an eye on??? I will surely email you if I find something you may find interesting.
    PS: Where do I email too, Daily Duranie?

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