Today is March 2nd…and the North American Paper Gods tour begins in just 23 little days in Niagara Falls. While I am not attending any of the spring shows – timing and (lack of) money have a little something to do with that – I am already dreaming of what could be (and probably will NOT be) on their set list.
Don’t bother writing that John has already said they won’t change much for the US tour. Don’t remind me that the band seems to enjoy playing songs like Hungry Like the Wolf and Danceophobia. For today, I don’t care. Instead, I dream…
We’re gonna call this, “If I had a bat phone to the band” (first of all, that’d be their worst nightmare, I am sure. That’s fine. I’m going to pretend not to know that. Let’s pretend, just for today, that I am a welcome voice of reason.)
No laughing from the peanut gallery.
(I think that might be the first time I’ve ever referred to myself…or been referred to, for that matter, as a voice of reason.)
Let me ponder that a bit….
Again…this is a dream…so let’s carry on, shall we?
Phone rings. This phone is of course, red…and yes, it’s important to me that you picture it that way because it is a picture of a red phone that gave me the idea for this blog to begin with. Moving back to my dream…
I’m actually shaking with a fairly great amount of fear on the other end as the phone rings because A. I don’t know who will answer and B. I really hope it’s not Nick.
“Hello, Rhonda.”
(Shit, it’s Nick. Of course it is. He’s The Controller. Why wouldn’t he answer and not say…anyone else in the band at all?)
“Hi Nick. How’d you know it would be me?!?”
“Rhonda, you are the only one who ever uses this phone. Amanda seems to be the polite, more sensible one of the two of you, only using the blog to communicate properly.”
(I let that comment go. Because first of all – I am very polite when I need to be, and secondly, I’m still shaking in fear on the other end of the phone, but I can’t let him know that. Never let them sense your fear, right?!? I clear my throat and begin.)
“I think you know why I’ve called today.”
(Nick takes a deep, cleansing breath….because he knows.)
“Rhonda, we are not going to take Hungry Like the Wolf out of the set. We can’t. We simply cannot do that to the fans who have come to the shows to hear that song.”
I roll my eyes, because Nick can’t see me anyway, and it’s my auto response to that reply at this point.
“I see you rolling your eyes, Rhonda.”
“What? No you don’t. You can’t!”
“I know, but you did, didn’t you?”
I give an exasperated sigh and put my hand on my forehead. “Yes. Yes I did. Whatever. Listen Nick, I’m going to a few shows in July. All I’m asking for is Late Bar. That’s it. One song. Surely you can take something like…(I search in my head for the right song, waggle my eyebrow and dive in knowing there is ZERO chance but I have to get the dig in while I can)…Girls on Film for ONE night.”
“You must be joking.”
(I smile. He responded exactly as I suspected he might.)
“Well, I am. You’re lucky I didn’t suggest Ordinary World or Come Undone. You know much Amanda hates those. Better yet, how about White Lines because I’m sick of being lightly showered!”
(I hear chuckling on the line.)
“You really want to get rid of White Lines? I seem to recall your, um…infatuation…with a certain member of our touring arrangement for that particular number, hmm?”
(I cough. No way I’m going there.)
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Yes, well…I suppose White Lines can stay. Can we ditch the baptismal? I think it’s good now!”
(More chuckling.)
“Exactly why did we ever agree to this phone arrangement with Daily Duranie, anyway?”
“I don’t know. Apparently you need better management.”
(Too far?? Just kidding. Hey, it’s a DREAM, people!)
I continue, “Amanda and I are coming to shows in July. You’ve got until July…surely it can’t be THAT big of a task?? We promise not to tease John about his dancing in Danceophobia or complain about Ordinary World again. At least not publicly. On the blog. Twitter is fair game though.”
“I don’t know. Maybe we don’t want to play it.”
“Oh. Ok. Let me just get out my Sharpie then and start coming up with alternative set list ideas to tweet out during our road trip….”
“Not that. Please not that again. We had email for months after the last tour asking why DDHQ posted set lists saying we played Hot Head and Yo Bad Azizi when we did no such thing. Really Rhonda…we just cannot have that again.”
(I grin…because that set list was a thing of beauty, and I have never laughed harder than I did the day we tweeted that. Amanda wrote, I drove, and we let our imagination do the rest!)
“Well then, I think you know what must be done.”
(I smile triumphantly as the phone clicks, signaling the end of the call as well as Nick’s patience with me.)
“Simon, we need to get rid of this phone. Immediately.”
In my head, I see Nick casually mentioning that he is finally taking the time to set up (because I really don’t know the proper “speak” for such things) the samples (again, no clue if this is what it’s called, and since it’s my dream…I don’t care today.) for a little song called Late Bar.
Hey, he’s got time. July is four months away!
-R
Have you seen Music Video Sins’ “Everything Wrong With ‘Hungry Like The Wolf?'” I think you might find it amusing.
You do realize there is an (albeit fictional) reason why they don’t play Late Bar ….. that’s all I’m saying. Seriously though, I do wish they would swap some of the more ‘well worn’ songs for lesser-played ones, Late Bar included. I almost thought they were going to play it at Birmingham back in December when Simon started introducing Ordinary World by saying ‘we started at a little place here in Birmingham’ – what better opportunity would there have been to play it than that? But no, still it didn’t happen ….. one day maybe….
Well, since they played Late Bar as recently as 2009, I am fairly confident that they could play it again. -A
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