One of the things I love about the band touring is that they do press. That means new articles about the band to read, which I love. I was behind for a while, but today I’m finally up to date!
This morning, an article from Willamette Week caught my eye. There was a short blurb with John Taylor, but the main article was about three long time fans. While each of them had done between 10-20 shows a piece, they’d also been fans since the 80s.
The article asked each of them questions about their favorite member, but then also asked them about the craziest fan thing they’d ever done. I read their answers with interest. I like reading the crazy stuff, even though there’s also a part of me that cringes at the word “crazy.”
One of them participated in some lip-lock with a sound guy (who worked with another artist) to get backstage where she then met Duran Duran. Another suggested that Simon spank her red-leather pants wearing friend. (He turned her down, and I can’t say he did it all that politely from the way the article read…although it could have been worse!) I can’t say that I’ve seen someone actually make-out with a roadie to get back stage, although I’ve heard about stuff like that happening. I have, however, seen many a Duranie wander up to a band member, typically at a bar, and suggest some pretty crazy stunts in order to get their attention.
I’m not here to judge, though. After all, I’ve been in a diesel truck riding through the foothills of Southern California in search of a band members home. I’ve also used that same band member’s driveway to do what can only be described as a 50-point turn, in order to go back the way we came. In that very loud diesel truck. So no, there’s no judgment here today.
Approaching the band is not my forte. I haven’t kissed anyone to get anywhere. I’ve never approached Simon at a bar. On the other hand, I’ve also not had some of the experiences other fans have had. I suppose in some sense, I’m afraid of taking a chance in order to get where I’d like to be, whether that’s approaching the band or their entourage at a restaurant or running into them in a hotel lobby. I worry about how others might see me, and while yes – I’ve had Duranies tell me that they don’t care about that – I do.
I can point to this blog and use it as an excuse. “Too many people know who I am,” But the honest truth is that rejection is a real thing. I would hate to be the person who ran across a crowded room to say hi and have a band member chastise me for doing so, or even just ignore me. While some people can just crawl back into their hole and forget it, I do write this blog each day. I’d have a tough time shrugging it off. Many of you tell me I wear my emotion on my sleeve. How would THAT look here?? Not good.
On this tour, there was a point where Amanda and I ran into a band member. We had gone to meet friends at a restaurant/bar in a hotel. Neither of us really thought much of it, but as we approached the hotel we noticed there was an outdoor cafe, and then for some reason I missed the actual entrance to the hotel. I’m going to blame that on leaving my glasses off of my face that night.
We walked around the perimeter of the building, incorrectly assuming that there should be another entrance. I got to the alley and realized we needed to walk back around the corner to the front of the building. Duh. Meanwhile, Amanda leaned over to whisper that we’d passed a table with a band member. I’m not going to say whom because it doesn’t matter. I roll my eyes because I knew what it looked like to that person. I didn’t even NOTICE as I’d walked by initially – I was just a little confused about where the stupid door to the restaurant was.
So, after a deep breath on my part, we began the walk of shame back past the cafe, up to the main corner and turned to find the front. I felt like a complete chump, and wished I hadn’t known anyone was there. I did some serious self-talk as we walked back.
“Hey, you didn’t know that there was only one door to the place. Don’t worry, you’re here to see friends. That’s it! You didn’t know the band would be here. You look fine, don’t worry that you’re in jeans…you’re dressed the way you like to be dressed. No, of course he doesn’t recognize you. You’re one of 50,000 fans in this city, I’m sure. Never mind that you’ve been to entirely too many shows over the past decade. He doesn’t know you at all.”
I’d run out of positive things in my head just as we FINALLY reached the front door. My legs shook a little as I grabbed the handle of the front door to the hotel. We went in and described the escapades we’d just managed to our friends. Of course they wanted to go outside and say hi. Amanda and I immediately dug our heels in, saying no way. We used all of the excuses I would normally tell myself, citing the blog, the fact that we couldn’t afford to look ridiculous, etc. (um, already reached that point!
My first gut reaction in these situations is to say no. I don’t want to go anywhere near them when they’re not onstage being “Duran Duran.” Yet, I don’t mind being in the same room, or the same bar. I’m weird. I want to be accepted and included. Who wouldn’t love to be one of those fans that they DO want to talk with and come up to greet? Another part of me does not want to face rejection. My negative self-talk speaks WAY louder than the portion telling me I’m a normal, even averagely-good (yes, I’ve decided it is a word today) looking person. Yes, they’re just people. The band is human, like the rest of us. They’re also people I indirectly write about each day. I think I’m in an odd sort of position here.
Eventually our friends convinced me, and we went outside to the table. The others smiled and waved. I focused on walking steadily and getting to my seat! I told myself to not even look sideways out of the corner of my eye at them. I completely ignored the entire situation and tried to relax over a couple…yes, vodka tonics. (I am predictable!)
Our friends were far more comfortable in their skin than I. They smiled, they waved, and as the band member left for the night, rather than going back in the door nearest their table, he walked the long way, strode past our table, and even said hello. I smiled and said hi in response along with everyone else as my body felt like it was going to slide right off of my chair and onto the floor. Then our friends got up and went over to say hello to the rest of their table. They took photos and came back very pleased. I didn’t choose to do the same, instead I sat at our table and replayed the scene in my head. Again, I could pretend I didn’t get up and go to the table because of a million other things, but the reality is that I was afraid.
I know that in the past when similar things have happened, I would marvel over the brazen fan behavior. The truth is that a lot of the time, I just wish I could be a little more outgoing. There’s been a time or two that I stepped across my self-imposed boundary and was smacked right back into “fan zone”. Yes, it stung. Badly. I still wish I could be a little less worried about what people think and just get up and put myself out there.
The moral of the story is simple: 1. I am far braver as a blogger than I am in person. It isn’t that I would be afraid of having a conversation with a band member or anyone else, although I am sure most of you don’t believe that after reading. Once I’m IN the conversation, I’m good. I can navigate with the best of them. It’s the approach that scares me, and it will stop me in my tracks every single time. And 2. Don’t let fear stop you the way it does me.
I’ve missed out on some great experiences because of my own hangups. Naturally I don’t want to be known as “that crazy fan” any more than anyone else. That said, I don’t think approaching the band necessarily means someone is crazy. I also know that I have had opportunities to say hello to the band. I just never seem to take advantage of those chances. I have to wonder if others feel the same.
-R
I totally agree with you, I would never do some of the things I have seen some fans do, I have met them a couple of times at signings but I have never done anything crazy or illegal to meet them I just think that is totally unacceptable for myself personally, so I am with you!
Tina, I’m not even sure I find so much of it unacceptable…it’s that I can’t do it. So what is REALLY envy on my part ends up being disguised (by me) as disdain. I mean no, some of it I won’t do. I won’t sleep with a roadie to get backstage, for instance. (I will however, be a friend for the sake of being a friend with no requests or strings like that attached) But overall, a lot of what I see other fans do, I am just too chicken to try. So this blog post is about me getting real and admitting what I’ve been trying to hide, I guess. 🙂 -R
I missed my show in Nashville but if I had gone I was going to try and meet them but my anxiety is bad so would I have the guts I don’t know I used to be outgoing but now I’m like in my own little world but maybe my fear won’t stop me who knows and rejection that’s my worst fear ever I really like the way your honest you sound a lot like me thanks and take care Renee
Have never met them, probably never will unless it’s a legitimate meet and greet or signing situation. But any other way, I just wouldn’t do it – just not brave enough! The rejection and humiliation if I got told off or ignored because I’d chosen an inapropriate moment or situation in which to go up and say hello. Like you, I envy those who are brave enough to do it without a second thought!
I totally feel ya. My chance is coming with them being at Oklahoma shows for a whole weekend in one location. Will I actually be able to do it? What could I possibly wthout sounding like a complete spaz? I don’t think I colud do some of the wild things some fans do. But I tease that I will stay awake all weekend for my chance and my husband says I’ll most likely fall asleep at a slot machine waiting for them only for them to walk right by right then..lol….Will I
or wont I? We shall see….
Good luck! If you run into Dom, tell him I said hi!! 🙂 -R
I understand totally! You already know some of my experience at the first Niagara Falls show. When i saw that I was 2 hotel rooms down from Simon I didn’t tell anyone except for a couple of friends who weren’t at the show. I had one FB friend that was there and if I had told her that Simon was a couple of doors down from me she would of been camped out in front of his door! She was not even staying in the same hotel as me and I caught her up wandering around on our hotel floor.
I saw Simon at his room twice and I did not want to bother him. He is human and deserves his privacy. I was too shy anyways to go up to him at his hotel room door anyways! After the first show when we went up to our room he was at his hotel room door. A couple of fans were there asking him pictures etc… He was politely telling them that he was tired and maybe some other time ( he did seem to have a cold).
I am really happy I crossed paths with him the way I did the next day in the mall part of the casino. He was his manager Wendy. I pulled my hubby by the arm to come with me. It was now or never. I politely went up to him and spoke to him and got some pics etc… He even recognised me as the girl a couple of doors down from him. My husband said he was probably so nice to me because both times that I saw him going into his room I didn’t go and jump on him!
Same thing with Nick- well if he had been further down I probably would not of spoken to him but he was standing in front of my hotel room door so he had no choice but to speak to me! LOL He was very sweet. He realised I wasn’t some crazy fan when I opened the door behind him and called for my hubby to come out with my paper gods book and camera!
When I was a teenager I would more guts to do things. Yes I admit I have waited at backstage doors to try and meet some bands ( not DD) but I am a 45 year old married woman now!
I forgot to add … My hubby Ben who is not a DD fan was a little obsessed while we were there. He knows I love JT. While I was at the hotel gym he was wandering around the hotel hoping to bump into JT ( i think that is the only band member he would recognise anyways) and wanted to get a picture with him so he could rub it in my face! LOL
I met them once at the last October Milan sign-in event .. and that was enough. I ended my cycle.
I do not regret for things like ” .. oh I had to tell him this, I had to tell him that.”: no, I have “my personal” Simon, Roger, John, Andy, Nick, Warren” with me every day. LOL! Yay!
I never needed to approach anyone of them like Gisella and Nefer did.
I think that we have to be careful here because none of us know the real stories behind their relationships, even if we *think* we do. While I understand that Nefer was a fan, it isn’t my place to judge and I don’t. On the same token, I wasn’t even aware that Gisella was a fan, and again—I’m not judging.
I think it’s great that you’re in a place where you no longer feel it necessary to approach the band. We’re all in different places in our fandom, that is for sure. -R
I loved this, and feel exactly the same. During the current tour, I went to the Nashville show with a good friend who was bound and determined to get backstage. And acted pretty outrageously. (And failed, I might add.) She blamed it on being saddled with me and my unwillingness to ‘put myself out there and look ridiculous’, But here’s the thing. If I’m honest, I am completely afraid of rejection, and even though I’m a marketing director and publicist at the top of my game at the moment, I have no doubt that I’d revert to my 12 year old self immediately when in their vicinity. Thanks for doing what you do. I enjoy the blog!
Hi Pam! I’m glad you like the blog and that you readily identified with my post. I’ll admit that sometimes I feel like I’m floating on an island in the middle of an uncharted ocean, so it is nice to read that someone actually gets where I’m coming from!
I don’t know if I’ll ever be the one running down a hall somewhere to hug a band member—that really just isn’t me—but I am also keenly aware that sometimes my own insecurities keep me from experiencing things, too. -R